No Bright Future With Me.

If you think about it.. I really have no right to expect anything to be any better today... than yesterday.. or the day before.. we think that we are entitled to something special.. just because we put a bit of effort into something.. but that's not how it works. Our fates are headed in a certain direction.... and whether we choose to accept that.. or fight it.. kicking and screaming all the way.. is our choice.. sometimes two people can get together.. and it seems like it was meant to be.. but in all actuality.. I've found that one can fool oneself.. just because they desire to believe in something... belief in anything.. doesn't necessarily make it so. It's nice to have hopes.. about the future.... it's pleasant when you can have faith in your beliefs.. but no amount of wishing.. hoping... or dreaming will ever change what is.. Most of us go through life with a clouded veil.. choosing only to perceive the things we choose... fantasy and reality are two different things.. and most of us prefer living in our fantasy world for as long as we can before the huge waves of reality come crashing into our fantasy world.. and jolt us.. sometimes demolishing us with such a forceful jolt.. that we have to do what we can to protect ourselves. At one time, I liked to believe that maybe there existed a compromise.. between reality and fantasy... but it doesn't work that way.. reality is just that... exactly what IS.. There are still a few ideas that bounce in my head... that make me have just a small bit of hope.. but I won't trust in them.. or anything else.. because I find it much more difficult to pick myself up off the pavement once I've plunged headfirst into the street... The only way to protect myself, I've found.... is to fight away anyone that tries to climb my walls... and now.. those walls are higher and thicker than ever.. I can interact with people.. that's not a problem... but at some point... everyone will realize that I cannot allow anyone close enough to get into my heart on a level more than friendship.. and even that is sometimes difficult.. I know... everyone says.. time will pass.. and I will feel differently.. I don't WANT to feel differently.. I know what might happen.. it's the same as playing Russian Roulette.. the bullets have blown away most of what I wanted to believe in... I will be content on spending a little time with a friend.. talking with someone when someone is accessible.. but I get a deeper resolve each day that my future is exactly what I make of it.. and I'm not travelling down the path of hurt and suffering once again. I know I am probably going to hurt people eventually.. and I don't want to.. but anyone who is important in my life.. can... or will read this.. and I leave this to be my disclaimer... there is no bright future with me.