I'll Cope.

I slept better last night.. I don't know why I tend to be concerned about things.. it's like I think I have some control over what happens or something.. in all actuality, I have very little control.. and trying to make something happen.. just screws up your head.. and causes problems in the long run.. so I'm good with just being here.. doing what I have to do.. for as long as I have to do it.. and then working on my situation.. but for now.. all I can do is wait..  Yes.. sometimes I get tired of waiting.. of being a spectator to my own life.. but why fret over it...  I hope that I can get through each day.. and try to enjoy what happens on a day to day basis... I know I have severe trust issues.. and it's not only people.. it's life in general.. I seem to always be expecting the worst.. I'm always braced for the next impact... and as a rule.. life doesn't let me down.. but sends another shock.. frying what little composure I'm able to muster.  I always adjust.. just as I will continue to do so.. but I'm about to give up on Karma.. I feel like I've been pretty honest and caring and a good guy all around.... so why has life always been such a bitch to me.. I really don't understand it.  I can say that I brought it all on myself all I want.. and maybe I have.. but I just can't see how.. maybe it's the people I counted on.. the avenues I took.. I really don't have a clue.. I just know that I find it almost as difficult to trust now.. as I ever have.. because in all my experience with people.. online and offline both.. most everyone has an agenda.. and will toss you and your feelings aside with just a whim... I have learned to expect that.. I might always expect it... it just seems to be what generally happens.  ..but I've made it thus far.. and will continue to go on.. I'll cope.

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