It's Peaceful Being Bland.

I have all the answers... I know I do... because I know everything... it's just being able to remember it that's the problem... my life is a haphazard mess filled with piles upon piles of cluttered, disorganized heaps of crap.  Most of it can be useful in some form... but I have issues with putting it together in the correct format to use. ...at least I think that's my major problem. Actually I don't know everything, but forget you read that... I'm a very persuasive person in my own right... and can usually use logic and my charm to get people to do things I want them to do... the problem is... I really don't want anyone to do anything.  I've reached a point in my life where I like being the observer of my own life.  I don't take that much of an active role in it anymore... because it requires more effort than I think the rewards will give.  You've heard the old adage.. "My emotional bank is overdrawn..."  ...well it IS actually. I have put forth more effort over the years than I have gotten... and now I'm tired of dealing with all the crap... I mean... I can listen... I can offer advise... but for me to take action... well.. it's not worth it anymore.  I appreciate that there are people that hold on to hope of something hugely meaningful... but for my part... I'm okay with just being around and living my life without a major negative influence pulling me down... I'm not a negative person... I'm not down... even though this post might seem like I am.  I am understanding more and more that the high expectations I've put on life from time to time just leads to eventual disappointment. I have felt like my life has been a decent effort on my part to put others at ease... or make things easier for them.. many times by putting my own life second...  I actually may have touched on this in a previous post...   All I'm saying is I am becoming accustomed to setting no expectations. When I don't set expectations... life is much more enjoyable for me.  It's the point where I do set the expectations... where I become disappointed... and stressed a bit...   I don't like being stressed... I don't enjoy being disappointed and in as much, I'm starting to put myself first... not saying that I'm ignoring the feelings of anyone... but if they are in conflict of mine... tough. I meant to take hold of my life and put it on a better path long ago... but as long as I'm living it for other people, I can't live my life for me. I don't mind if people want to be present and enjoy the journey with me... but my journey is, for the moment, a reconnaissance mission to observe what's happening before making plans.  I've made too many plans and expended too much effort to not move forward with my life.  I'm at a comfortable place... and if I remain where I am for awhile... I feel pretty positive about where that is... but I choose not to make decisions to jeopardize my current well being. Those that don't know me that well... might think I'm being selfish... and to them I say... yup.. it's my right to do so after all this time. I am seriously satisfied with not being overjoyed at life.... it doesn't have to be all unicorns and rainbows... sometimes it's peaceful being bland.