It's Where I Need To Be.

I think I finally got all my paperwork done for the house... and I'm getting more and more nervous each day.  I just need to take a chill pill and relax. I have done all that I can do... On a more positive note, I'm pretty stoked about work. I see bonuses and overtime in my future.. but I've already rambled a bit about that.  I have been getting messages from one of the dating sites that I thought I had closed. ...I rectified that situation and closed my profile there... even though I did respond, as I always do, to the 3 messages I've gotten in the last few days. I know that there are people that are looking for a deep relationship... but I am not going to jump into one of those.  It would be nice to have a friend or two to engage in conversation and do things with.. but I don't have enough left in my emotional bank to invest in something most would consider substantial. I sometimes wonder about that... if the trust grows back... or if I just consider most women a bitch at heart.. I'd like to believe that's not so, but it's just been my experience. I am certain that some people don't realize it when they become cold and callous. I'm discovered that I'm the same way to a point... but I wasn't always this way.  I took a path that made me who I am today based on my experiences with other people. I can't blame them though. It was me who wanted to believe in things that weren't there.. I am still optimistic about life... but very pessimistic about women and relationships.. that doesn't mean I want to be with a man... I really don't see myself ever entertaining that notion.  Men are as manipulating and conniving as most of the women I've met.. besides, I'm not even slightly physically attracted to guys. I don't know why I'm so down all of a sudden with interaction. I guess I just feel that it's not worth the heartache and pain that seems to come from it. Maybe someday I'll meet someone that might change my mind. In the meantime, I'll live in my own little bubble here and enjoy what I have. I'm okay with being friends with a few people. I care about those people I do let into my world... but I can't help but believe that most have some sort of ulterior motive.  I've let people take advantage of me for far too long and now it's time to look out for myself. I don't intend on trampling on anyone else on my road to self-discovery, but I have to put myself in a good place... It's where I need to be.

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