Under my Hat

So I haven't blogged in a bit... I've been a bit busy.  On Saturday,  November 7, I started having pretty harsh abdominal cramping, but I thought...no big deal.. I'll take some OTC medications and get rid of it...I went through the gambit of medication over the next day or so, but Monday morning still had it.  I decided my best course of action was to go to the urgent care facility and see what they had to say... they took my money asked me a few questions then the doc said.. "my mentor alway said, with abdominal pain assume appendix..."  but they had no equipment there to do any of the tests I  needed, so I got referred to the ER.  After spending the better part of an evening there... and blood urine and cat scan tests, it was determined that I had duodenitis. ... an inflammation of the duodenum. ...the part of the digestive system that connects the stomach and the small intestine.  So they gave me protonics and sent me on my merry way ...of course th...

What am I thinking... that my life will magically change... and all will be right with the world.  It took some effort to get where I am now.  ...it'll take even more effort to get where I want to be.  I do get discouraged much of the time though... it seems like I've been beating a dead horse try to move forward.  ..and very little changes.  I am hoping to take a bit more initiative... but it seems like no matter how much initiative I take.. no one seems to react or respond... it was that way with my marriage.  Maybe I'm too passive... maybe I just need to conk some woman in the head and drag her off to my cave by the hair...  I'm teasing of course, but nothing else seems to work.  Anyone who is really interested in meeting me is from so far away, it would just be a once or twice a year thing... and I don't really want to do that... although there are a few people I'd love to rock their world and ruin sex with any other person for the rest of th...

I don't know how life is supposed to be.  I'm just making it up as I go along... and sometimes I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job at it.  Wouldn't it be nice if when we were born... we were given a set of rules to follow... I suppose we are... our faith... but then we go along and start doing all kinds of crap to screw things up. I have made many mistakes in my life.... maybe even my divorce was a mistake... at least at the time I did it... maybe it was too soon.  I am not there to see my daughters continue to grow into the wonderful women I know they'll be. I get sad about that.  I did it because I was so unhappy living there.. but now they're even better off... living in a much better place.. much closer to school.  Things are not as hard for them as they were... and I'm happy about that.  But I end up crying when I think about how far they are... and how many times I don't get to hug them.  I hope they know I love them. I'm going to ...

I've been away for a long time... on some of the sites... and I'm able to get my witty bantering out into the open...  It's nice to be able to put out thoughts, but sometimes... just sometimes.. it's imperative to have just a bit of interaction. I have been pretty much throwing all my thoughts out in public... and that seems to have sufficed. My big mistake was thinking that some people care more than they actually do. I'm not saying no one cares... and I'm not pulling a poor, poor pitiful me sob story.  I've just learned that people in general are cruel.. Many times, they don't mean to be, but it still doesn't change the way things are. I think I was looking for something substantial... without the everyday commitment. I've tried flirting sites... dating sites... even a hookup site.. I've made a friend or two along the way.. but that's where I have an issue... just like love... people throw the "friendship" word around a lot...