Suck It Up And Move Along.

I don't know how life is supposed to be.  I'm just making it up as I go along... and sometimes I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job at it.  Wouldn't it be nice if when we were born... we were given a set of rules to follow... I suppose we are... our faith... but then we go along and start doing all kinds of crap to screw things up. I have made many mistakes in my life.... maybe even my divorce was a mistake... at least at the time I did it... maybe it was too soon.  I am not there to see my daughters continue to grow into the wonderful women I know they'll be. I get sad about that.  I did it because I was so unhappy living there.. but now they're even better off... living in a much better place.. much closer to school.  Things are not as hard for them as they were... and I'm happy about that.  But I end up crying when I think about how far they are... and how many times I don't get to hug them.  I hope they know I love them. I'm going to see them next week.  I'm looking forward to that.

Next week is Thanksgiving. Normally we'd have 2 or 3 dinners to try to attend... eating much at each one of them.... but this year there are issues with one of my sisters... and it looks like she might be breaking up with her 2nd husband... this is helping to pull the family apart.  Who am I kidding... I'm not much part of a family anymore.  I'm just the kid my dad tries to control from 11 hours away.  He makes as many excuses as he can to check up on me... I've come to the realization that will never change.

I'm not really that worried about it... as I'm not that worried about my health... things are as they are.  I will make a decent effort to do something about my health... but it's not really an issue. I am okay with where my life is. I have spent too much time worrying about the way things should be... and not concentrating on the way things are. I need to deal with reality, not live in some fantasy world where I am always happy.  Life is difficult. Suck it up and move along.

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