Under my Hat

I don't know why I get so frustrated at times... I think it's because I feel as though I have sowed good karma seeds and am just waiting for that to grow... but it doesn't seem to be.  ...or maybe I am not correct in assuming I deserve good stuff to happen to me. It seems the more I work on improving things, the farther and farther I fall behind.  I know life doesn't have a manual... but a few short instructions from time to time would help tremendously. I know that I'm guilty of having high expectations. I need to lower those. ...no expectations would probably be more appropriate. On a good note, I think we're getting to go forward with our advanced training program at the center where I work. I am torn on what I want to happen. If I start teaching this... it will mean a nice position to add to my resume... but really I'd like to stay in the program I am in... I just want to climb higher as far as my position goes... but that isn't going to happen un...

Well... nothing happened with the new date... I believe in the back of my mind I suspected that... I just didn't want to admit it. I think everyone is looking for perfect.... or nearly perfect... and I personally don't think that such a thing comes pre-made... you have to work at something for it to be viable. Sure... relationships come and go... Most fizzle out because they start burning too hot, too quickly. I'm not above taking the time to make something work... my problem is... I still hold on to my cynicism.. I don't really want to believe in anything or anyone because of my past experiences. No... I'm not blaming anyone in particular except myself. I was the one that wanted to believe in people. I've learned differently... I have a few friends... and they seem to be good friends... but I think it would be a mistake in taking it any farther than that because I don't seem to feel anything on a "love" level ...I've felt something pretty str...

Red doesn't seem to be interested... So I quit seeing her... and tonight I went out with someone else.  I'm impressed. We'll see how it goes, but I don't want to take anything too quickly.  At least she seems to have a sense of humor.  She also has an air of sophistication about her. The first date went really well... at least as far as I am concerned... although she could be sitting at home laughing her ass off that the matchmaking service set her up with me.... I'm fairly confident though that things might go well with this one... finally.  I'm wondering if I've set up high expectations... I'm a decent person.. but I'm sure my faults will show through as we get to know each other more. I'm going to try to think positive though.  I will say that in my review, I couldn't think of anything negative to say... That was a definite plus. I am not looking to jump deeply into anything, but at the same time... I don't want to date one after anot...