They Don't Belong In My Life.

I don't know why I get so frustrated at times... I think it's because I feel as though I have sowed good karma seeds and am just waiting for that to grow... but it doesn't seem to be.  ...or maybe I am not correct in assuming I deserve good stuff to happen to me. It seems the more I work on improving things, the farther and farther I fall behind.  I know life doesn't have a manual... but a few short instructions from time to time would help tremendously. I know that I'm guilty of having high expectations. I need to lower those. ...no expectations would probably be more appropriate.

On a good note, I think we're getting to go forward with our advanced training program at the center where I work. I am torn on what I want to happen. If I start teaching this... it will mean a nice position to add to my resume... but really I'd like to stay in the program I am in... I just want to climb higher as far as my position goes... but that isn't going to happen until our current center director retires. That could be any time now... or in a few years.  I've been told things are topsy-turvy at the location where I came from. I expected that.  The gentleman who took my place is leaving. I think he found out he can't actually do what he expected to do.... he destroyed the program I had set in place in less than 6 months. I would go back temporarily and help them get it back in place... but I would never go back and work for the incompetent supervisor where I worked.

I started this blog last night... and ended up talking to my daughters for a bit... it was a high point of my day.  ...but I got to thinking last night... and this morning about where I am socially. I've been hanging around on flirting sites just because I was comfortable there and I could get out some of the viewpoints I have on the forums... but I have this blog for that... and I don't like the interaction at those sites anymore.  It's not like I would really consider a real relationship with most anyone in an online only capacity, and unfortunately that's the only option given when it comes to those sites. I am not even certain where my life is headed anymore, but I have to rid it of the crap that brings me down... and lately... I have been feeling as though it's a fake world.. if I wanted to live in a fake world, I'd go back to playing my World of Warcraft and just hang out there all the time.  ...but I want to start living my life... to start getting things accomplished that really matter. I don't have to put up with the negativity... I seem to have enough of it myself.... and I'm sure that it stems from my exposure to the constant barrage of low self-esteem and pessimistic attitudes. They can have them... I need to work on me.. and improving myself.  I guess this mindset has been building for awhile, but the thing that pushed me over the edge is when one of the site leaders called one of my friends I work with ...a liar.  I've always tried to have a bit of respect for him... but his actions and words got me to thinking about how people tend to build themselves and their ideas up by tearing other people down. Of course this isn't the only thing... but I went back and read the negative remarks about me on my onsite blog and it just added fuel to the fire, so to speak... I would be better off focusing on reading and studying for my career than interacting in a place where I felt unwelcome... besides... the few people that I would consider friends should know me well enough to be able to contact me offsite. Those that don't... well, I suppose they don't belong in my life.

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