Do The Best You Can To Make The Most Of It.
Time just seems to stand still sometimes. You know that moment in your life where you see a wide variety of endless opportunities... I appreciate where I am currently, but I don't want to make many mistakes along the way... I've made enough already. I know I'm going to make more. I can't always know exactly what is going to happen, but I have to just trust that I will make the right decisions when it comes to the important things in my life. I haven't blogged in the last few days.. mainly because there is so much on my mind that when I sit down to blog, I get overloaded with things to say... even now.. there is so much I want to say.
To my ex-involvements.. I know I wasn't always the perfect person.. and it was partially because of that... that we didn't work out.. although I won't take all the blame. I suppose I wasn't what you needed in your life.. and I'm glad you discovered that although I wish the timing had been somewhat better than it was.. Most things happen for a reason.. whether we want to believe that or not.. I can't be everything all of the time. In any case.. I'm not holding anything against anyone... it's just the way things are supposed to be.. it took me a long time to realize that.. I suppose that it's much easier when you have someone to support you.. I tend to try not to be such an asshat and see both sides of the story.. and where I always might have not seen the whole picture.. I made do with what picture I did have.
To my spouse... I really do love you.. you're a wonderful friend and we brought up two absolutely adorable daughters.. and even though I don't love you romantically nor do I feel as close to you as I once did, I hope you're able to consider me a friend and count on me for anything you need in dealing with them. I am sorry that things had to end up this way, but there's no way of changing what has failed and was the fault of both of us.
To my daughters.. I never want to put you two in a situation that will cause you pain and suffering, but due to the way things are, it is as much a limbo for you as it is for your mother and I. I will always love you both til my dying breath and even past then.. There will never be anything I won't do for you if you really need it.. and I hope that you both can see past the surface and be able to come to me for whatever I can do.. I might end up living in a different place, but I will never walk out of your life.
To my friends... there are several of you who have stuck with me.. and allowed me to become a part of your lives. I appreciate the time we've spent and hope that maybe I've brought a bit of sunshine into your lives.. I have always tried to be trustworthy and honest and hope that you will stay in my life as long as you want to.
To my students... I have tried to make a difference in the world as you come into and go out of my life.. trying to leave a part of myself in each life I touch. I am glad you've given me a way to go out into the world and spread some of who I am throughout. I hope you are better off for having met me and I hope for nothing but success for you.
To my dad... Dad.. you frustrate me to no end.. I sometimes feel like driving my head through the wall.. you're obstinate.. manipulative.. and cause me so much irritation.. but you're a good person at heart.. It may be hard for you to see... but I do care.. you and mom brought me into this world.. and for that I am grateful.... and dad I really do love you in spite of what I might say or do.
To my mom.... Mom.. I love you. I miss you.. I know you're at peace.. and I'm thankful you're no longer suffering.. thank you.. for having me.
To my special girl... I know I haven't been talking to you for a very long time.. but we've talked so much I feel like I know you. I don't know what the future holds.. but when I started chatting with you.. I felt "it" ...immediately. I don't know how two people could be more alike in their thinking.. their idiosyncrasies.. the way they look at life in general.. I can only promise to be me and accept you for who you are. Thank you for how you make me feel..and it's because of you that I actually feel optimistic again.. I forgot what that felt like.
To myself.. you are in a good spot.. because life is still going on.. and you have been given another day on this planet.. do the best you can to make the most of it..
To my ex-involvements.. I know I wasn't always the perfect person.. and it was partially because of that... that we didn't work out.. although I won't take all the blame. I suppose I wasn't what you needed in your life.. and I'm glad you discovered that although I wish the timing had been somewhat better than it was.. Most things happen for a reason.. whether we want to believe that or not.. I can't be everything all of the time. In any case.. I'm not holding anything against anyone... it's just the way things are supposed to be.. it took me a long time to realize that.. I suppose that it's much easier when you have someone to support you.. I tend to try not to be such an asshat and see both sides of the story.. and where I always might have not seen the whole picture.. I made do with what picture I did have.
To my spouse... I really do love you.. you're a wonderful friend and we brought up two absolutely adorable daughters.. and even though I don't love you romantically nor do I feel as close to you as I once did, I hope you're able to consider me a friend and count on me for anything you need in dealing with them. I am sorry that things had to end up this way, but there's no way of changing what has failed and was the fault of both of us.
To my daughters.. I never want to put you two in a situation that will cause you pain and suffering, but due to the way things are, it is as much a limbo for you as it is for your mother and I. I will always love you both til my dying breath and even past then.. There will never be anything I won't do for you if you really need it.. and I hope that you both can see past the surface and be able to come to me for whatever I can do.. I might end up living in a different place, but I will never walk out of your life.
To my friends... there are several of you who have stuck with me.. and allowed me to become a part of your lives. I appreciate the time we've spent and hope that maybe I've brought a bit of sunshine into your lives.. I have always tried to be trustworthy and honest and hope that you will stay in my life as long as you want to.
To my students... I have tried to make a difference in the world as you come into and go out of my life.. trying to leave a part of myself in each life I touch. I am glad you've given me a way to go out into the world and spread some of who I am throughout. I hope you are better off for having met me and I hope for nothing but success for you.
To my dad... Dad.. you frustrate me to no end.. I sometimes feel like driving my head through the wall.. you're obstinate.. manipulative.. and cause me so much irritation.. but you're a good person at heart.. It may be hard for you to see... but I do care.. you and mom brought me into this world.. and for that I am grateful.... and dad I really do love you in spite of what I might say or do.
To my mom.... Mom.. I love you. I miss you.. I know you're at peace.. and I'm thankful you're no longer suffering.. thank you.. for having me.
To my special girl... I know I haven't been talking to you for a very long time.. but we've talked so much I feel like I know you. I don't know what the future holds.. but when I started chatting with you.. I felt "it" ...immediately. I don't know how two people could be more alike in their thinking.. their idiosyncrasies.. the way they look at life in general.. I can only promise to be me and accept you for who you are. Thank you for how you make me feel..and it's because of you that I actually feel optimistic again.. I forgot what that felt like.
To myself.. you are in a good spot.. because life is still going on.. and you have been given another day on this planet.. do the best you can to make the most of it..
It's good to see some optimism in your life again. You go!
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