What More Could I Want.

It finally looks like another step is happening... my spouse confronted me with my online habits... she knows.. she has known quite awhile.. she's heard me through the walls.. but it's okay.. she still thinks it one particular person from a long time ago... but I told her that is over.. I didn't say when.. or how long it was.. no reason to throw things out that may or may not hurt her... I did tell her that I was a member of a flirting site since 2009... Dec.   The funny thing is some people in her family are telling her that I was married "online" in May 22, 2009.. I think that was just the day I noted on facebook that I was married.. but I'm not sure how to change or fix it... can't seem to delete things from your timeline.. so her relatives..at least the ones that can see my facebook page are trying to tell her I had some sort of online marriage then... which couldn't be farther from the truth.. and I told her so.  She has visited a lawyer... but that's okay... the lawyer has told her basically the same thing I did.. that I will owe her about 750 for the kids.. and another 500 for alimony... we'll figure it out I suppose.. Her family is footing her money to afford the divorce.. which is fine in my book.  I have a few bills to catch up.. and see if we can figure out an equitable arrangement.  In a way.. it's a scary thought.. but inside.. I'm feeling relief.. She says she's going to move out.. because the kids might have difficulty living here.. without me being here.. and I get it.. I don't want them to feel like I don't care... EVER. I just got my oldest a phone.. she and I were getting a little closer.. then she had a meltdown today.. she felt like that she was expected to shoulder so much.. and I told her that I never want her to feel like she can't come talk to me... it's just that she told me a couple years ago.. that she didn't want to talk about anything just yet.. so I waited.. then my mom passed.. and I didn't want to push anything more on their plate.. It just seems like there should be an instruction manual somewhere... I know that I've made a few mistakes along the way... I am not always the best Dad I can be.. but I want to be... and I try to be there for them.  I tried to explain that I will always be around when they need me.. but I don't want to be as intrusive as my father has been.. they know what that's like.. my Dad is already constantly calling my daughter's phone... and she's a bit aggravated with it. But I told her she doesn't have to answer it if she doesn't want to... I let them  both know that I love them.. and always will.. and that their safety is most important to me.

I do appreciate the understanding that I get from the special woman in my life.. she does understand.. and for that I am truly thankful. I honestly don't know when and where I will be able to get a job.. but I'm working to get placed in her area.. basically because more jobs..and higher pay will occur in that area.. I will do what is necessary to make certain I can support my daughters. I get a bit nervous at that at times.. and I don't know how to make things any different than they are now.. so I'm riding the waves of this out.. letting them move.. and will do things as they come.  I can't really make a whole lot of decisions at the moment.. but I will do what I can.. and what I have to.  It's been a long road to get where I am now.. and I do care so much that I don't put my daughters in a bad predicament... I guess I just have to have a little faith.. and trust in others and hope for the best.  I can't be anything other than who I am.

I was a little queasy Friday.. but I had to wait for my ISP to fix my internet.. as well as my daughter's phone activation kit... which didn't show up.. but that's pretty much par for the course.  Right now.. I'm in a good place.. despite all the stuff that is.. or isn't happening... I have a few friends that support me.. I have a wonderful woman in my life... and I have two beautiful daughters who I'm very proud of.. what more could I want.