I Feel Much Safer This Way.
It's another day.. with Dad still here.. He's been here for a week today... and I have no clue when he is going to leave... I don't think he does either. I do love him, but it's getting monotonous. I have 4 rooms with lights I can turn off with my Alexa app. This will save him from having to get up... from his living room couch (that still bothers me that he won't use any of the beds.) The other morning I hear him say.. "Alexa, living room off" about 5 or 6 times.... when I go to see what's up, he's trying to turn off the overhead light instead of the lamp in the wifi plug.. I explain to him it's the other light and turn off the overhead light... then I say "Alexa, living room on" ... nothing happens... again I try to coax my electronic assistant to turn it on... with still no results.. after 3 more attempts, I go check out the plug on the lamp.. It's still plugged in... then an idea hits me.. Evidently Dad got up and walked all the way across the room to manual turn off the lamp.. I explain to him that he doesn't have to get up... we'll see if that works... but I know it won't hold for very long.
So I got rear-ended... I think I mentioned that... but evidently her insurance had lapsed... or something to that nature.. because I got a message from her company saying the accident wasn't covered... I just turned it over to my insurance company and will let them hash it out.. I went ahead and paid my medical insurance... it was down to my 10% co-pay.. and then my $350 deductible for January labs... I am now still playing catch-up at work. I spent a little while yesterday logged into one of the sites.. I really don't know why I even logged in.. at least it wasn't a dating site... I'm done with those.. The forum I visited allowed me to make a few posts to work out a bit of witticism ....but I didn't feel like the old me.. I'm not even sure I want to be the old me.. I am slowly changing.. withdrawing a bit more. I saw a post on Facebook..... "I looked out the window and saw some people... that's enough social interaction for me today. That really fits my mood lately. I currently come home each day with dad here and withdraw to my closet.. This is where I have my computer set up... It's not a tiny closet by any means.. It's 8' x 10' approximately.. There is a desk in here... When dad leaves, I will hook it back up to the big screen in the living room. I am trying to avoid the current constant barrage of Fox News. I sorta miss Alexa singing me to sleep each night with a selection of 40's music.. I play that at 30 percent volume and seem to drift off quickly.
I sometimes wonder... is there more? ...of anything? ...I am somewhat disappointed in the way things are going now.. and I can usually talk myself into a more optimistic mood, but with my visitor here having no set departure date, that ability has been negated. I am able to get a few of my thought out here... sometimes when I throw these thoughts out, they might not even be quite accurate... the writing in this blog are just what happens to flow through my head at the time my fingers happen to be typing. It does seem to offer some relief in a therapeutic sense... I have given up almost anything of a sexual nature... I stopped masturbating for Lent.. That ends Sunday... Easter. We have nothing planned for Easter, although I did send my girls both an Easter basket this year. I hope they have a good one. I haven't talked to them in a week or so... not since Dad arrived.. I slowly feel my soul and spirit being drained with him here... I just hope he has no plans for staying until my car is in the shop.. that's 3 weeks away... and then I start my array of medical appointments the following week stretching into the middle of May. If he stays that long.. I might become suicidal.. or homicidal... or spermicidal.. or something... I don't know what yet.. I try to avoid thinking too much about it.
I am hoping to blog more often.. although I've said that before.. I don't want it to become a chore... it's like cooking.. as long as I can cook what I want.. when I want... it's all good.. but at the point when there are requirements set, it no longer becomes something fun to do... I need to focus a bit more on having fun. I think most people get sucked into life and all the stuff they have to perform.. then they lose out on time for the fun things. I am going to try to do thing I want.. I'm going to start another herb garden this year.. I have the seedlings growing.. we will see how that pans out. I have so much land here that I could do a garden, but I don't want to fight with the deer. I really don't want to fight with anything... or anybody. I have wiped my slate clean and don't hold on to the irritations or hurt I have felt... not actively... I think I have buried that deep inside too.. I sometimes worry that it will surface.. but I don't even remember much about why I have been hurt.. I just know that I have been... on many different occasions... That's why I am where I am now...I know I probably don't have to worry about any of that happening again, but I feel much safer this way.
So I got rear-ended... I think I mentioned that... but evidently her insurance had lapsed... or something to that nature.. because I got a message from her company saying the accident wasn't covered... I just turned it over to my insurance company and will let them hash it out.. I went ahead and paid my medical insurance... it was down to my 10% co-pay.. and then my $350 deductible for January labs... I am now still playing catch-up at work. I spent a little while yesterday logged into one of the sites.. I really don't know why I even logged in.. at least it wasn't a dating site... I'm done with those.. The forum I visited allowed me to make a few posts to work out a bit of witticism ....but I didn't feel like the old me.. I'm not even sure I want to be the old me.. I am slowly changing.. withdrawing a bit more. I saw a post on Facebook..... "I looked out the window and saw some people... that's enough social interaction for me today. That really fits my mood lately. I currently come home each day with dad here and withdraw to my closet.. This is where I have my computer set up... It's not a tiny closet by any means.. It's 8' x 10' approximately.. There is a desk in here... When dad leaves, I will hook it back up to the big screen in the living room. I am trying to avoid the current constant barrage of Fox News. I sorta miss Alexa singing me to sleep each night with a selection of 40's music.. I play that at 30 percent volume and seem to drift off quickly.
I sometimes wonder... is there more? ...of anything? ...I am somewhat disappointed in the way things are going now.. and I can usually talk myself into a more optimistic mood, but with my visitor here having no set departure date, that ability has been negated. I am able to get a few of my thought out here... sometimes when I throw these thoughts out, they might not even be quite accurate... the writing in this blog are just what happens to flow through my head at the time my fingers happen to be typing. It does seem to offer some relief in a therapeutic sense... I have given up almost anything of a sexual nature... I stopped masturbating for Lent.. That ends Sunday... Easter. We have nothing planned for Easter, although I did send my girls both an Easter basket this year. I hope they have a good one. I haven't talked to them in a week or so... not since Dad arrived.. I slowly feel my soul and spirit being drained with him here... I just hope he has no plans for staying until my car is in the shop.. that's 3 weeks away... and then I start my array of medical appointments the following week stretching into the middle of May. If he stays that long.. I might become suicidal.. or homicidal... or spermicidal.. or something... I don't know what yet.. I try to avoid thinking too much about it.
I am hoping to blog more often.. although I've said that before.. I don't want it to become a chore... it's like cooking.. as long as I can cook what I want.. when I want... it's all good.. but at the point when there are requirements set, it no longer becomes something fun to do... I need to focus a bit more on having fun. I think most people get sucked into life and all the stuff they have to perform.. then they lose out on time for the fun things. I am going to try to do thing I want.. I'm going to start another herb garden this year.. I have the seedlings growing.. we will see how that pans out. I have so much land here that I could do a garden, but I don't want to fight with the deer. I really don't want to fight with anything... or anybody. I have wiped my slate clean and don't hold on to the irritations or hurt I have felt... not actively... I think I have buried that deep inside too.. I sometimes worry that it will surface.. but I don't even remember much about why I have been hurt.. I just know that I have been... on many different occasions... That's why I am where I am now...I know I probably don't have to worry about any of that happening again, but I feel much safer this way.
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