It's All Okay.

I'm up... and should be almost ready to leave for work... but due to an appointment with the Endocrinologist, I won't be leaving for at least another hour... I think our body clocks get used to something over time... and when we alter from our norm, we get screwed up on a deeper level. I am just now getting used to the time change that happened a couple of weeks ago... or was it last week. I seem to have lost my bearings as most days seem to run together now. It's like I just stay behind on everything I have to do... but it's my own fault. I have immersed myself so much into playing World of Warcraft that I have shut out a lot of things. I know it's not healthy, but I think maybe it is a retreat mechanism. Work is first and foremost the largest drain on me at the moment... and even though I could be working from home, I know I won't get paid for it.. so it doesn't motivate me.. even if I could get a little extra time added to my time off... I already spend the last 3 months of the year trying to figure out how to get all the time off I need to take. 

Then there is the insurance stuff... my auto and medical. I have found out that the lady who hit my vehicle isn't returning any of her insurance company's calls... so I think she is trying to avoid the issue entirely. I will have to go through my insurance company instead and in turn they will subrigate it to her insurance company. I just hope I don't have to go to court or anything like that. I am done with my jury time and I don't plan on being in a courtroom if I can help it. Also, my medical insurance isn't covering things like I had hoped it would so I'm out a bit of money on my hospital stay from December. It make s me want to delay the fixing of my hernias as long as possible... or at least until I get back to my other insurance plan... but I can't do that until December. 

Everything else seems to be going okay... I have adjusted my scale of okay to  meaning as long as I'm not in pain or no one immediately close to me is hurting... then all is okay. I do get to talk to my daughters a little bit more these days.. and even every once in awhile they don't need something when they talk. I am feeling a little better about that. 

My house is starting to feel a bit more like home... there are so many things I want to do, but it all takes extra money I don't have... I haven't even hung the dozens of pictures I have on the floor scattered about where they need to go... it takes two people to do that... I have just found myself wanting to be more and more alone... I am accustomed to life like it is now... I almost never log into the sites anymore... and I've given up the online dating sites completely. I have developed the idea in my head that if my life is supposed to be any different... then it'll happen... but since I am someone who tends to have the pessimistic outlook and I reject change most of the time... I can almost assure myself that this is the way things will be. ...but it's all okay.