Under my Hat

I think a lot of my blog posts are selfish... it's about me.. and what I think of human interaction in general... and my experiences... but I don't share a whole lot about what is most important to me... this is after all supposed to be what's going on inside of my head (under my hat).  I think that I became a father and wasn't quite ready to be one.... although I love my daughters with all my heart... and yes... I talk about how they are the world to me... and all kinds of other stuff about them.... I have to admit to myself that I try not to dwell on them... because it makes me sad when I think about them for any length of time.  I made a decision in my life based on what I thought was best.. and I was a bit egocentric in my thinking... I felt that I could be as good a dad from a distance as I was when I was actually there, but that's just one of those things we say to try to justify our actions.  There is no way you can have a long distance relationship that is ...

I think human interaction is the most confusing thing on the planet... I am fairly certain this is because of so many different personalities that goes into it... even between two people.. sometimes you can have a multitude of personalities. I feel like we are all sailing our own ships... and at times... several people are navigating the same currents... those are our friends... occasionally two will hitch up and ride it out awhile... those are relationships.. and just every so often... one person will jump ship and ride on the other person's boat making it a bit of their own... sometimes ships crash... or start sinking... and we make our repairs and keep bailing while we fight to stay afloat....then we head back out in our own direction steering clear of the treacherous waters...  I have been in my own little Dinghy for awhile.. I've made several friends recently...but I've noticed I have a huge wall built up.. I mean ... I'm still friendly... and helpful... the perso...

I've actually discovered something I should have already figured out... I actually still care about everyone whom I've told I love.. I can honestly say that the feelings are still there.. .I just bury them.. and that goes for everyone.. without exception... I can put those feelings aside... and pretend they're not there... to not dwell on them.. because I feel it's probably much better for them if I do so.  But if I do some soul searching... which I have.. my feelings really haven't changed... I just ignore them so that I can deal with life the way it is.. and not the way I'd like it to be. ...it's like the old saying... if you love something... set it free... well.. I have.. many times.. and honestly I have never expected them to return... which is entirely okay. Maybe when they first left... I thought maybe there was still a chance.. but I do believe that things turn out like they're supposed to. I don't think I will put myself in a situation to c...