I Gotta Keep My Batteries Fresh.

I've actually discovered something I should have already figured out... I actually still care about everyone whom I've told I love.. I can honestly say that the feelings are still there.. .I just bury them.. and that goes for everyone.. without exception... I can put those feelings aside... and pretend they're not there... to not dwell on them.. because I feel it's probably much better for them if I do so.  But if I do some soul searching... which I have.. my feelings really haven't changed... I just ignore them so that I can deal with life the way it is.. and not the way I'd like it to be. ...it's like the old saying... if you love something... set it free... well.. I have.. many times.. and honestly I have never expected them to return... which is entirely okay. Maybe when they first left... I thought maybe there was still a chance.. but I do believe that things turn out like they're supposed to. I don't think I will put myself in a situation to care deeply for someone... not on purpose anyway... and there's no... "poor me.. nobody loves me" to that ... I just realize that maybe it's a bit better not to put yourself out there in situations where things are going to eventually go SPLAT!  ...I have learned to not set expectations... and I like where my life is in that respect. I am happy with who I am... and I'm okay with being in my own company.  I do get lonely occasionally... but I'm pretty certain we all do. I'm no better or worse than anyone else... so I just accept it as it is. I have been working on improving me.. my situation... and things seem pretty stable for me... I get concerned about things on occasion... sometimes from a financial standpoint... sometimes from an emotional standpoint... but my uneasiness doesn't last very long... and I can rally myself for another day.  I am making a few friends... but I don't seem to have a whole lot in common with anyone.  I suppose I'm just a unique individual. I love being that person I see when I look in the mirror. I hope I'm being a role model for my students.  On occasion I think about my mortality.. and wonder what I will leave behind when I actually go away... it's not of major importance, but I hope that there are some wonderful people who can say I've been a positive influence.

I am starting "the biggest loser" contest at work... I think maybe if I have some motivation... I can get back down to about 165... I would think with all the overtime I've been working, I would be exhausted, but actually I seem to have a lot of energy. My last day off was March 19... so it might be a good idea to maybe take a 3 day weekend when I get a chance... and possibly recharge just a bit. I gotta keep my batteries fresh.

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