That's What I'll Keep Doing

I seem to be falling into a comfortable position in my new house. I haven't exactly got everything down, but I seem to be able to see me living here for awhile. I am thankful for a lot of what I have in my life at the moment. I'm still saddened occasionally that my daughters aren't around, but I will see them next month.  I need to start doing a bit of Christmas shopping and obtaining birthday presents. I know it's not all about gifts. I don't want them to think I've forgotten about them. ...at the same time I don't want them to think I'm trying to buy their love. I think with just about any divorce there is that fine line we have to walk to keep that balance. I would love to spend more time with them but they are so far away.  My ex and I had a talk about 2 weeks ago... and she said some things that hurt a bit, but she was right.... I wasn't a major part of my kids lives when I was home... I spent too much time at work... now I can't just expect them to want to be a part of my life.  I know I made that mistake... but I always wanted to provide for them... as I do now... It makes me sad to think that I lost my chance to be a part of my daughters' lives.  My ex listens in on every phone conversation I have with them... I know that because she pretty much told me. I try not to say anything bad about her to them.. I never have... but it gets me to wondering exactly what might have been said about me. I have always said I would never want to change the past, but in one circumstance, maybe I would.  I would like to get the chance to be a better father. Unfortunately, that isn't possible.. I can't change what's done.. and it doesn't look like I'll get the opportunity to mend any broken ties with them. I feel like there's a lot going on to pull me away from them in what's being said.  I can't prove it, but they don't talk much with me anymore... and I leave messages... but many times my calls aren't answered or returned. There is so much more important to me than pursuit of any relationship with someone... the most important thing in my life will always be my daughters...I just don't think they'll ever know how important that is... nor will I have the chance to let them know... all I can do is assure them I'm here... that's what I'll keep doing.