I Should Be Used To It.
It's been a freakin' cold January so far... this is the first day above freezing here... I know Winter has finally arrived. I wanted to get a bit more done at work, but the cold has stopped that, as I need to move some stuff to the other building. Also... my dad followed me back from Kentucky, so because of the weather.. he hasn't been able to leave. I am seriously hoping tomorrow is the day I can start getting back to normal... I have a bit of cleaning to do once he leaves.. especially my couch that he chooses to sleep on despite the fact that I have two spare beds and a blow up bed for him to move wherever he wants to move it. It's just frustrating.
I started this today... and decided to continue tonight as it got busy at work.. I don't know what I'm expecting to come from this blogging... but after over 800 blog entries... I don't really feel any more enlightened than when I began this journey... maybe someday when I'm old I'll look back and see what kind of asshat I was... or maybe I'll be more of an asshat in the future. I'm not even sure who all reads my blog anymore... or for that matter why they would read it... it has to be somewhat boring.. as it is only a minor account of what is going on in my life... I'm not even enthused by it anymore.. it seems to be missing the luster of many of my earlier posts... but that's what life does to you over time. It sorta kicks you in the teeth and leaves you with many scars . I don't even really care what's going on in my life all that much anymore... I just roll with whatever happens to be happening and have given up on a particular direction... It's much better not to live with expectations.. I think maybe it's that time of month for me again... I should start drinking before blogging... I'm certain if I drank enough, the posts would get interesting... but I'd also probably offend some people.. I think I keep a lot in... on the small chance that some people actually do ...or will read this... but then that's being counterproductive. That's probably why I don't really care about blogging all that much, anymore... I think maybe I'm inadvertently censoring myself. I am losing my wit... I think a lot of it has to do with my dad... I have to constantly censor myself around him... and maybe it just carries over to what I write.
Sometimes I just wanna say "Screw the world" ...I'm a self-absorbed individual that thinks I deserve so much more than I'm getting... but I haven't figured out how to get any more than what I have. I could become the world's biggest dick... I didn't say I could have one... just that it seems most of the time it's the players... cheaters... and general assholes who get the most out of life... only because they screw over anyone they want to get what they want... and most people eat it up... meaning it just works out for those people who want to screw everything in sight... literally and figuratively.. I just feel like life isn't fair... well.. I KNOW life isn't fair.. but I feel like changing up who I am and being so much worse... for just a bit.. then I realize that I wouldn't be able to live with myself even if I did get away with things.. I'd know.. and it would make me more miserable in the long run. I need to be me and realize that things aren't going to change... if I can get that through my thick skull... I can learn to accept life as it is... and won't be disappointed nearly as much.
It is almost finalized.. my dad is leaving tomorrow... I also found out that I have jury duty from February 20 to March 16... so I might schedule my surgical procedure for April.. I'm just having two small hernias fixed. They are along the incision that occurred back in November of 2015. The surgeon said they need to be looked at before they get any larger ...and it would require more extensive surgery. ...I should be in the hospital overnight for this current procedure... that doesn't seem very bad.
I know I haven't written much in my blog lately... I think it's because I was getting too caught up in posting on the sites... but I logged on for the first time today for just a few minutes.. and ended up logging back out fairly quickly... I think maybe I might miss a message.. or a post to me... and I hang around.. especially if there are people I know... but even so.. very few people engage me online.. and I really don't have many friends. Those few I have know how to get in touch with me offline as well.. but that doesn't happen either... except with 1 or 2 people... the rest I almost never hear from.. I guess that's what they mean by superficial friends. I have usually always been the one to reach out and just say "hi..". or "how are you" It's like my marriage.... and several of my relationships.. I was the only one to instigate anything... so I should be used to it.
I started this today... and decided to continue tonight as it got busy at work.. I don't know what I'm expecting to come from this blogging... but after over 800 blog entries... I don't really feel any more enlightened than when I began this journey... maybe someday when I'm old I'll look back and see what kind of asshat I was... or maybe I'll be more of an asshat in the future. I'm not even sure who all reads my blog anymore... or for that matter why they would read it... it has to be somewhat boring.. as it is only a minor account of what is going on in my life... I'm not even enthused by it anymore.. it seems to be missing the luster of many of my earlier posts... but that's what life does to you over time. It sorta kicks you in the teeth and leaves you with many scars . I don't even really care what's going on in my life all that much anymore... I just roll with whatever happens to be happening and have given up on a particular direction... It's much better not to live with expectations.. I think maybe it's that time of month for me again... I should start drinking before blogging... I'm certain if I drank enough, the posts would get interesting... but I'd also probably offend some people.. I think I keep a lot in... on the small chance that some people actually do ...or will read this... but then that's being counterproductive. That's probably why I don't really care about blogging all that much, anymore... I think maybe I'm inadvertently censoring myself. I am losing my wit... I think a lot of it has to do with my dad... I have to constantly censor myself around him... and maybe it just carries over to what I write.
Sometimes I just wanna say "Screw the world" ...I'm a self-absorbed individual that thinks I deserve so much more than I'm getting... but I haven't figured out how to get any more than what I have. I could become the world's biggest dick... I didn't say I could have one... just that it seems most of the time it's the players... cheaters... and general assholes who get the most out of life... only because they screw over anyone they want to get what they want... and most people eat it up... meaning it just works out for those people who want to screw everything in sight... literally and figuratively.. I just feel like life isn't fair... well.. I KNOW life isn't fair.. but I feel like changing up who I am and being so much worse... for just a bit.. then I realize that I wouldn't be able to live with myself even if I did get away with things.. I'd know.. and it would make me more miserable in the long run. I need to be me and realize that things aren't going to change... if I can get that through my thick skull... I can learn to accept life as it is... and won't be disappointed nearly as much.
It is almost finalized.. my dad is leaving tomorrow... I also found out that I have jury duty from February 20 to March 16... so I might schedule my surgical procedure for April.. I'm just having two small hernias fixed. They are along the incision that occurred back in November of 2015. The surgeon said they need to be looked at before they get any larger ...and it would require more extensive surgery. ...I should be in the hospital overnight for this current procedure... that doesn't seem very bad.
I know I haven't written much in my blog lately... I think it's because I was getting too caught up in posting on the sites... but I logged on for the first time today for just a few minutes.. and ended up logging back out fairly quickly... I think maybe I might miss a message.. or a post to me... and I hang around.. especially if there are people I know... but even so.. very few people engage me online.. and I really don't have many friends. Those few I have know how to get in touch with me offline as well.. but that doesn't happen either... except with 1 or 2 people... the rest I almost never hear from.. I guess that's what they mean by superficial friends. I have usually always been the one to reach out and just say "hi..". or "how are you" It's like my marriage.... and several of my relationships.. I was the only one to instigate anything... so I should be used to it.
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