It's Part Of Growing
It's been awhile... I have mixed emotions about posting here... I think I let other people dictate what I write.. maybe not in a direct way.. but because of my caring what they think of that. I believe we all tend to do that.. I miss the old style fundamental interaction I had when I first started this blog. It's gotten to be less of a diary and more of a list of complaints about my life... and there seems to be too much focus on what is bad.. and less of what good things are taking place.
I am still covered up at work, but I think that's going to be the norm for quite awhile. I do take stuff home with me to work on, but I try not to let it run my evenings and weekends. I find myself retreating more and more back into World of Warcraft. I know that it can be addicting if I let it, so I'm trying not to become so engrossed that I forget to live my life. It's been so cold here, most of what I do is stay at home anyway.. so I really am not missing out on much by involving myself in my online game. I am hoping when the weather warms up a bit, that I will get started with the gardening...
I really do think about life quite a bit... Do you ever notice that maybe the word "friend" gets thrown around a lot... sorta like the word "love". I love pizza.. but love has so many different meanings. I think maybe it's that way with "friend" also, but I have many different levels of friends.. I have friends at work... that I interact with in a friendly manner... I have friends I have known over the years.. but really haven't gotten to know all that well.. I have friends I do things occasionally with. But can you really consider someone a friend if the extent of the friendship is a few nice words on occasion. I'm the type of person that really tries not to depend on anyone else for anything. A few people have peeled the onion and found that I'm many layers of juicy goodness.. But as far as asking anything from anyone. I don't do that for the most part. I really don't know if I would be able to ask most people for anything even if I needed it. I think a lot of us are that way though. We tend to think we're burdening another person if we require them to go out of their way on our account. I have had recent conversations where I have pissed people off by saying my thoughts on friendship... and I know that sometimes I have a saddened disposition about life.. but I still like who I am.. I've been called Eeyore by several people over the years... and I ran across a meme about Eeyore from the cartoon. He has a generally down attitude but his true friends accept that's the way he is.. they don't try to change him... and they don't think anything is wrong with him. In fact, he's a really likable character. I don't think I want anyone to change me either... and those people that think I might be down need to understand that even if I have this pessimistic attitude at times, I can be cynical and still function normally. If things change in my life.. maybe someday I might not be so cynical... but, at the same time, I am not looking for that to be in my future. I really do see some good in other people... and I've been told I can be witty and fun at times.. but it takes someone to bring that out. I looked for years on the sites.. and occasionally found someone that stoked that fire inside of me... but I have learned I need to look inside myself to get that initiated. I really have stopped looking... That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy going out occasionally with a friend or two and doing something.. There's that word again... friend. I am pretty much going to start just referring to anyone who treats me friendly as my friend... in all actuality, I don't dislike anyone... and I am pretty open with who I am and how I interact with others... the problem is that I am going to say what happens to be on my mind... and that pisses some off, because they try to interpret it differently that what the words actually have been stated.
This brings me to another topic... I have frequent lectures with my students... and I have offered relationship advice...
1) Men marry women thinking they won't change... and they do. Women are constantly changing who they are.... not basic stuff... just that there are many phases that they go through that are nothing like how they previously were. ...and Women marry men thinking they might not be exactly what they are looking for... but they can change them... the problem with this is that men rarely change... they are somewhat stubborn in their thoughts and are very simple creatures... which brings us to..
2) Men and women communicate very differently... Men say something... and that's what they mean... there is no room for interpretation of what is said... but women still try to interpret it as something different... trying to find hidden meaning in what has been stated. On the other hand... women will say things... and get pissed if men take what they say literally. Women expect men to interpret everything they say... and are seldom direct. They take great pains to be vague and they get pissed off when men "don't care enough" to just know what they meant.
3) This is about physical encounters... It involves a large jar and lots of pennies.... There are very rare exceptions to this: When you first get married... put a penny in a jar every time you and your spouse have a physical encounter... do this until your 2nd anniversary. At that point, start pulling 2 pennies out of the jar for each physical encounter you have... you'll NEVER empty the jar... The reason this is accurate is twofold.... During the first two years... it's like jackrabbits... everywhere.. anytime... all the time. After about 2 years... then life hits... possibly kids.. and things get in the way of free time..
4) If you expect to be in a relationship... expect it to me draining on you.. either physically, emotionally, intellectually, financially... It might not be all of those... but in some way your life will be pulled down. At the same time, in healthy relationships there is also quite a bit of support in other aspects... so life isn't a bowl of cherries.. and sometimes the human interaction is wonderful... just be prepared to deal with losing a part of yourself... If you're not prepared... you'll find it even more frustrating to try to hold on to things that just don't work in a single world vs. a married world.
Now, I'm the last person in the world that should probably be offering relationship advice, but I've also experienced quite a bit in my over a half a century of living. Maybe others can learn from my mistakes, as they say that making mistakes is generally the best way to learn. I know that a lot of my friends have gone through a lot as well.. but it's part of growing.
I am still covered up at work, but I think that's going to be the norm for quite awhile. I do take stuff home with me to work on, but I try not to let it run my evenings and weekends. I find myself retreating more and more back into World of Warcraft. I know that it can be addicting if I let it, so I'm trying not to become so engrossed that I forget to live my life. It's been so cold here, most of what I do is stay at home anyway.. so I really am not missing out on much by involving myself in my online game. I am hoping when the weather warms up a bit, that I will get started with the gardening...
I really do think about life quite a bit... Do you ever notice that maybe the word "friend" gets thrown around a lot... sorta like the word "love". I love pizza.. but love has so many different meanings. I think maybe it's that way with "friend" also, but I have many different levels of friends.. I have friends at work... that I interact with in a friendly manner... I have friends I have known over the years.. but really haven't gotten to know all that well.. I have friends I do things occasionally with. But can you really consider someone a friend if the extent of the friendship is a few nice words on occasion. I'm the type of person that really tries not to depend on anyone else for anything. A few people have peeled the onion and found that I'm many layers of juicy goodness.. But as far as asking anything from anyone. I don't do that for the most part. I really don't know if I would be able to ask most people for anything even if I needed it. I think a lot of us are that way though. We tend to think we're burdening another person if we require them to go out of their way on our account. I have had recent conversations where I have pissed people off by saying my thoughts on friendship... and I know that sometimes I have a saddened disposition about life.. but I still like who I am.. I've been called Eeyore by several people over the years... and I ran across a meme about Eeyore from the cartoon. He has a generally down attitude but his true friends accept that's the way he is.. they don't try to change him... and they don't think anything is wrong with him. In fact, he's a really likable character. I don't think I want anyone to change me either... and those people that think I might be down need to understand that even if I have this pessimistic attitude at times, I can be cynical and still function normally. If things change in my life.. maybe someday I might not be so cynical... but, at the same time, I am not looking for that to be in my future. I really do see some good in other people... and I've been told I can be witty and fun at times.. but it takes someone to bring that out. I looked for years on the sites.. and occasionally found someone that stoked that fire inside of me... but I have learned I need to look inside myself to get that initiated. I really have stopped looking... That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy going out occasionally with a friend or two and doing something.. There's that word again... friend. I am pretty much going to start just referring to anyone who treats me friendly as my friend... in all actuality, I don't dislike anyone... and I am pretty open with who I am and how I interact with others... the problem is that I am going to say what happens to be on my mind... and that pisses some off, because they try to interpret it differently that what the words actually have been stated.
This brings me to another topic... I have frequent lectures with my students... and I have offered relationship advice...
1) Men marry women thinking they won't change... and they do. Women are constantly changing who they are.... not basic stuff... just that there are many phases that they go through that are nothing like how they previously were. ...and Women marry men thinking they might not be exactly what they are looking for... but they can change them... the problem with this is that men rarely change... they are somewhat stubborn in their thoughts and are very simple creatures... which brings us to..
2) Men and women communicate very differently... Men say something... and that's what they mean... there is no room for interpretation of what is said... but women still try to interpret it as something different... trying to find hidden meaning in what has been stated. On the other hand... women will say things... and get pissed if men take what they say literally. Women expect men to interpret everything they say... and are seldom direct. They take great pains to be vague and they get pissed off when men "don't care enough" to just know what they meant.
3) This is about physical encounters... It involves a large jar and lots of pennies.... There are very rare exceptions to this: When you first get married... put a penny in a jar every time you and your spouse have a physical encounter... do this until your 2nd anniversary. At that point, start pulling 2 pennies out of the jar for each physical encounter you have... you'll NEVER empty the jar... The reason this is accurate is twofold.... During the first two years... it's like jackrabbits... everywhere.. anytime... all the time. After about 2 years... then life hits... possibly kids.. and things get in the way of free time..
4) If you expect to be in a relationship... expect it to me draining on you.. either physically, emotionally, intellectually, financially... It might not be all of those... but in some way your life will be pulled down. At the same time, in healthy relationships there is also quite a bit of support in other aspects... so life isn't a bowl of cherries.. and sometimes the human interaction is wonderful... just be prepared to deal with losing a part of yourself... If you're not prepared... you'll find it even more frustrating to try to hold on to things that just don't work in a single world vs. a married world.
Now, I'm the last person in the world that should probably be offering relationship advice, but I've also experienced quite a bit in my over a half a century of living. Maybe others can learn from my mistakes, as they say that making mistakes is generally the best way to learn. I know that a lot of my friends have gone through a lot as well.. but it's part of growing.
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