That's all I can do.

So I had a chat with a few people... and no matter what I'm feeling.. this is still my blog.. some seem to think I should get over it and move on as though nothing happened... some seem to think that I should get it all out.. to be perfectly honest.. I don't know what I'm going to do... it was wrong of me.. to even imply that I was "lied" to... I think there were a lot of mistakes.. I believe that it takes two people to screw up a relationship.. and evidently mine was doomed from the start. I don't know how to be.. other than who I am.. I've always said that... and I am in real life.. nearly the same as I am ...online.. maybe there is something I'm not seeing... maybe something IS different about me that I'm just not aware of... I know that I couldn't put more into a relationship than I do... I do put everything that I am into caring for someone.. and I am completely devoted to that person. Maybe that's my mistake.. I don't care if it is.. being different.. just isn't me.. the thing is.. I have always maintained the same thing.. it's very hard not to take it personally.. that there is something wrong with me.  I know people keep telling me that there isn't.. but these are people who haven't really met me in person.. that don't know me on an intimate level...at least physically intimate.  I suppose there may be something wrong there.. I just can't ...understand. I want to.. but.. it just isn't clicking in my brain.  I don't want to rehash it over and over again.. because the final answer is going to be the same.. I just wasn't right for her. I will have to deal with that. I actually told her.. that she had grown almost as close to me as one of my daughters.. just in a different sense... I suppose that could be part of it.. maybe I put the expectations too high. I didn't expect  ANYTHING.. just that she care... but unfortunately she didn't care enough.. not in that way, anyway. I suppose most of this WAS my fault.. I knew that it was online... I knew what most people come to expect from an online relationship.. I should have kept my walls up. and moved into it more slowly... I let her break them down.. and for that.. I truly regret it.. I do care about her.. and will always.. I can't just.. forget.. to me.. it will still be real... and I know what I feel.. the same as I felt before we met.. when I spent over 3 months getting to know her. Now.. I am privy to the information that she doesn't feel that way about me.. not.. when it comes to reality. I concede that she cares.. She's a wonderful person.. a caring person.. unfortunately she says to me that she isn't ready for a relationship with me... now that she knows what I'm like in real life. I will just have to accept it. That's all I can do.