I'll Figure It Out.
I tend to forget my dreams ....or at least they fade.. shortly after waking up.. but I have an ordinary dream that just sticks with me... it was very vivid.. not sexual.. not horrific... just an ordinary day.. Well.. almost.. I was actually sitting on a couch.. in a living room.. and watching TV. I seldom do that... but the most interesting thing.. I was sitting there talking with a stranger.. just like she was family.. well.. no.. more like she was a close friend. She was VERY tall.. slender... dark complected.. I think she may have been ...Hispanic.. or Asian... Hawaiian.. or Alaskan.. I didn't get a good look at her face.. but enough to know I'd never seen her anywhere before. She had long dark hair.. and everything was just... comfortable. I know that dreams are not usually literal... I'm not expecting that scene to actually happen.. in fact.. my outlook on making friends will almost assure it will never happen... but it's just creepy to have such a vivid dream about a complete stranger. Oh well.. time to lock that up in the back of my mind.. and move on.
I am going today to get 83 pizzas... no.. I'm not eating them all myself. The center where I work is rewarding all students in the vocational trades that had 100 percent on time returns from Thanksgiving break... so who do they call to go take care of all this ... old Mr. Reliable. I am certain that I get so much to do on the center because they know I will do the best I possibly can at it.. but I'm tired of being so dependable. I get to do my job and several others. I was not only the instructor for my class yesterday, but also the computer guy for problems that arose on center. Next week, I will be travelling to Louisville on Tuesday to test 6 of my students... then on Friday.. they all head home.. and I will travelling to Nashville to make certain that all of our fliers get aboard their flights. My supervisor will be leaving today.. he was just temporarily assigned to our center.. and now his duty there is over... they still haven't posted that position.. and part of me wonders if they ever will. The will probably bring in another person in about a month as another temporary assignment. I am kind of doubting that our center has much longer.. the whole program has started making major cuts.. our students have been on the same budget and clothing allowances.. and transition allowances for years.. 3 directives have come out in the last month that have cut each one.. I understand cutting money from the program if you don't have it.. but where everyone else gets pay increases from 10 - 20 years ago.. our students are going to have to make do with less?? I foresee many problems occurring in the not-so-distant future. It is a good program.. but of course the government is involved, so thing will probably head downhill.
I see the holiday season quickly approaching.. and it seems as though I will be spared the shopping rush... most of what my daughters want, I can purchase online. I am going to start.. and finish my shopping this weekend. It makes it so much more convenient not to have to push through busy stores.. but I will sort of miss that. I like crowds.. I like public places.. I like being around people.. you'd never know that by looking at my life. I am a hermit here in my house.. but sometimes I think that's because I'm self-conscious about myself. I believe everyone is to an extent. For the most part, we look at ourselves more closely than we do others around us.. and believe others see the flaws we can see. Everyone is in their own little world.. and very rarely do people notice things outside of their social bubble... especially in a public place. That's why I like to watch people in airports.. or laundries... I would sometimes wash my clothes in a public place.. even though I had access to a washer and drier... of course that was years ago. I miss sitting and watching people. I wonder if that's what the old men do in the mall... just sitting on their bench.. or perhaps they're just contemplating their lives. I guess I'll get to that point soon enough.. but I spend a lot of time contemplating my life at the moment... I have lots of regrets.. lots of mistakes.. but I am still a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I believe in fate.. I just don't have faith in it. I lost all hope in something happy a long time ago.. I just want to settle for content.. some might argue that they are the same thing.. I am content.. when nothing good.. nor bad is happening.. I'm still on my outlook that life is a series of balances.. what goes up.. must come down.. and then dip lower to offset the high.. It's much safer to maintain a balance.. and that's what I'm doing. My goal is to center my life in all areas.. emotionally.. intellectually.. physically.. I am somewhat surprised to find out when I mistakenly put on a medium shirt this morning.. It was somewhat tight in the chest.. but my belly wasn't tight at all.. maybe I'll hit my ideal weight of 170 soon.. I figure it won't be all that easy.. as my weight loss should be at a plateau now... There a lot of changes in my life that I expect to happen over the next few months.. but I'm not shooting for any extremes.. especially since I want to maintain balance.. Whatever the case.. I'll figure it out.
I am going today to get 83 pizzas... no.. I'm not eating them all myself. The center where I work is rewarding all students in the vocational trades that had 100 percent on time returns from Thanksgiving break... so who do they call to go take care of all this ... old Mr. Reliable. I am certain that I get so much to do on the center because they know I will do the best I possibly can at it.. but I'm tired of being so dependable. I get to do my job and several others. I was not only the instructor for my class yesterday, but also the computer guy for problems that arose on center. Next week, I will be travelling to Louisville on Tuesday to test 6 of my students... then on Friday.. they all head home.. and I will travelling to Nashville to make certain that all of our fliers get aboard their flights. My supervisor will be leaving today.. he was just temporarily assigned to our center.. and now his duty there is over... they still haven't posted that position.. and part of me wonders if they ever will. The will probably bring in another person in about a month as another temporary assignment. I am kind of doubting that our center has much longer.. the whole program has started making major cuts.. our students have been on the same budget and clothing allowances.. and transition allowances for years.. 3 directives have come out in the last month that have cut each one.. I understand cutting money from the program if you don't have it.. but where everyone else gets pay increases from 10 - 20 years ago.. our students are going to have to make do with less?? I foresee many problems occurring in the not-so-distant future. It is a good program.. but of course the government is involved, so thing will probably head downhill.
I see the holiday season quickly approaching.. and it seems as though I will be spared the shopping rush... most of what my daughters want, I can purchase online. I am going to start.. and finish my shopping this weekend. It makes it so much more convenient not to have to push through busy stores.. but I will sort of miss that. I like crowds.. I like public places.. I like being around people.. you'd never know that by looking at my life. I am a hermit here in my house.. but sometimes I think that's because I'm self-conscious about myself. I believe everyone is to an extent. For the most part, we look at ourselves more closely than we do others around us.. and believe others see the flaws we can see. Everyone is in their own little world.. and very rarely do people notice things outside of their social bubble... especially in a public place. That's why I like to watch people in airports.. or laundries... I would sometimes wash my clothes in a public place.. even though I had access to a washer and drier... of course that was years ago. I miss sitting and watching people. I wonder if that's what the old men do in the mall... just sitting on their bench.. or perhaps they're just contemplating their lives. I guess I'll get to that point soon enough.. but I spend a lot of time contemplating my life at the moment... I have lots of regrets.. lots of mistakes.. but I am still a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I believe in fate.. I just don't have faith in it. I lost all hope in something happy a long time ago.. I just want to settle for content.. some might argue that they are the same thing.. I am content.. when nothing good.. nor bad is happening.. I'm still on my outlook that life is a series of balances.. what goes up.. must come down.. and then dip lower to offset the high.. It's much safer to maintain a balance.. and that's what I'm doing. My goal is to center my life in all areas.. emotionally.. intellectually.. physically.. I am somewhat surprised to find out when I mistakenly put on a medium shirt this morning.. It was somewhat tight in the chest.. but my belly wasn't tight at all.. maybe I'll hit my ideal weight of 170 soon.. I figure it won't be all that easy.. as my weight loss should be at a plateau now... There a lot of changes in my life that I expect to happen over the next few months.. but I'm not shooting for any extremes.. especially since I want to maintain balance.. Whatever the case.. I'll figure it out.
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