I Don't Lose Control.
I've been offline for awhile... not having cable or internet sucks pond scum... but even when I had it back on... I was hesitant to get back on for a few days... I've been spending the weekend being productive. I haven't even plugged up my computer... as what limited access to the internet I've had is through my phone... but I'm all moved... mostly unpacked... (I still have about a dozen boxes... I've done laundry out the wazoo... and have placed most of my stuff as I unboxed and cleaned it... My kitchen still has a way to go... but that's going to be a focus for a little while now as I have to buy some organizational tools.
I was contacted by a friend today with something that actually made me laugh... that I was pining away for her... we haven't spoken for years.. but still don't text all that much.. not on a regular basis anyway. It seems someone has a weird idea that I'm pining away for her and that I'm so distraught that I can barely function... or at least that's the gist of what I got from it all. I found it to be hilarious.. and really didn't care to know who was spreading something like this.. but one thing I've learned is to be pretty straightforward with people.... now on this blog, I don't mention people or personal information because I don't know who reads it... but when I talk to someone I am sometimes too blunt. I try to stay away from passive behavior.. and if I notice I'm being passive, I take whatever steps I need to in order to correct it. Anyway... I will formally say that there is no one that I am pining over... although there are a couple of people that I miss from time to time... I still know that things are the way they are for a reason... but that doesn't mean I would want those things to change.. I am where I am now... and yes.. I occasionally get lonely... but I don't ever want to go back to my past.. Even still the person who contacted me was never a relationship... just a close friend... kinda drifted away for a few years... but with good friends, you are always able to take up where you left off.. to a certain degree, anyway. I'm a realist... I don't do long distance relationships anymore... nor will I start something like that.. I might have people in my life where I joke.. carry on flirtatiously from time-to-time... or share personal issues with... but that's what friends do.. I am not changing my mode of thinking for anyone... as I've been shown that leads to horrible experiences. I try to remain straightforward with people in my life...and if I have a problem with someone, I talk about it.. if someone has an issue with me.. they need to let me know.. If someone knows me well enough, they know that I don't intentionally hurt someone... I might have in the past... but that's because I lost control of myself.. and said something because I was hurt very badly... I have much more control over myself now more than ever. I have apologized several times to anyone I might have hurt.. and I meant it.. but if someone holds a grudge.. its now their issue.. not mine.. just as if I let someone hurt me.. that's my issue.. not theirs.. I only let a few people close enough to me to hurt me.. but even still.. I don't let anyone all the way in... I've learned better. I like where I am in life.. and choose to be who I am... I like who I've become.... I don't lose control.
I was contacted by a friend today with something that actually made me laugh... that I was pining away for her... we haven't spoken for years.. but still don't text all that much.. not on a regular basis anyway. It seems someone has a weird idea that I'm pining away for her and that I'm so distraught that I can barely function... or at least that's the gist of what I got from it all. I found it to be hilarious.. and really didn't care to know who was spreading something like this.. but one thing I've learned is to be pretty straightforward with people.... now on this blog, I don't mention people or personal information because I don't know who reads it... but when I talk to someone I am sometimes too blunt. I try to stay away from passive behavior.. and if I notice I'm being passive, I take whatever steps I need to in order to correct it. Anyway... I will formally say that there is no one that I am pining over... although there are a couple of people that I miss from time to time... I still know that things are the way they are for a reason... but that doesn't mean I would want those things to change.. I am where I am now... and yes.. I occasionally get lonely... but I don't ever want to go back to my past.. Even still the person who contacted me was never a relationship... just a close friend... kinda drifted away for a few years... but with good friends, you are always able to take up where you left off.. to a certain degree, anyway. I'm a realist... I don't do long distance relationships anymore... nor will I start something like that.. I might have people in my life where I joke.. carry on flirtatiously from time-to-time... or share personal issues with... but that's what friends do.. I am not changing my mode of thinking for anyone... as I've been shown that leads to horrible experiences. I try to remain straightforward with people in my life...and if I have a problem with someone, I talk about it.. if someone has an issue with me.. they need to let me know.. If someone knows me well enough, they know that I don't intentionally hurt someone... I might have in the past... but that's because I lost control of myself.. and said something because I was hurt very badly... I have much more control over myself now more than ever. I have apologized several times to anyone I might have hurt.. and I meant it.. but if someone holds a grudge.. its now their issue.. not mine.. just as if I let someone hurt me.. that's my issue.. not theirs.. I only let a few people close enough to me to hurt me.. but even still.. I don't let anyone all the way in... I've learned better. I like where I am in life.. and choose to be who I am... I like who I've become.... I don't lose control.
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