I Refuse To Be Broken.

LOTS... and I do mean LOTS of stuff has been happening in my life. My last day where I'm currently working is December 20, I will have the week of Christmas off and then on the 29th.. I'm supposed to report to the Harpers Ferry, WV area.. It's about an hour outside of DC... maybe a little more. I am going to be loading up a truck and small trailer pulled behind and trying to make a go of it... I am only taking my clothes.. and the things in my room.. plus a couple of bowls.. plates.. a pot and a pan... that's pretty much it... oh.. and we have a spare table and chair.   The thing is... I'm gonna be limited in resources as I'm going to be paying 1500 a month to my spouse for child support and maintenance. If I work it right... I should have enough to live on.. but it might be a bit tight for a little while.  I want to get my shit straight before I do anything else.  I am not looking to be in any other relationship at the moment... I am not living my life for anyone but myself... but I'm also love my daughters... and want to make certain they're not neglected. I think at times it might be selfish... but hopefully in the long run, I'll be able to be there for them even more in the future... as it is right now... what have I taught them.. except... if you don't like where your life is... go to your room and hide.  I'm not doing that, anymore.. and I want them to know that they can be in charge of their own lives.. That's what I've been saying on here for so long... we're all in charge of our lives.. and all we can do is our best of trying to be happy. I never want to have someone in my life... who feels like they HAVE to be there... it's always a choice... not an obligation.... once you are obligated, it becomes a chore.. something that will wear thin after awhile.  My life is mine to do with what I please... and I'm the one that has held me back. So I need to get to a certain place.. and until I do... I'm no good to anyone.. a spouse... a lover.. friends.. my daughters... I lost myself a long time ago. Day in and day out, I pretended to be a lot of who I was not... what I was not... I've not been happy.. I chose to exist. that was it. Now.. life is moving forward... I won't have anyone to depend on for a bit... but that will either break me.. or make me stronger... and I refuse to be broken.. 

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