No Matter That I've Been Told Otherwise.

The kids know... my dad knows... maybe a few other family members... I'm certain my soon-to-be-ex's family all know, as she has gotten quite a bit of advice from several of them.  Still.. I'm certain that we are headed in a positive direction.  My daughters and I are closer than we've ever been... it seems as though the air has been cleared and things are all laid out on the table.  During this Thanksgiving, it was an incredible meal... good company.. great conversation.  No one dwelled on the upcoming finalization of the divorce... nor on my move.  About the move.. I have many people who have told me when it is supposed to happen, but there has been nothing in print.  I cannot move forward with my plans until I have some type of written confirmation. I'm positive all will work out the way it is supposed to... and I have begun to look forward to the whole change in my life.  I started working overtime at work... this week alone, I have worked 32 hours overtime.. last week I worked just a bit... and next week I should be working more.  It will help to get me started, but as I have found out my agency will pay for my move... it will also reimburse me for storage and give me 30 days of lodging and meal/incidental money while I am looking for a place. I can actually go up to 120 days if I want to keep track of all receipts and turn those in... but I'm certain I should be able to find something within a month or so.  I am very optimistic about a lot of things recently.  Still... I'm kind of guessing that it won't be very easy... I'm also not looking forward to the possible melancholy reaction my daughters might have once I do leave.  I love them with all my heart... but even so, I have seen their reaction to the news and feel that they are not living under the weight of an unsuccessful marriage.  I have said it before, and I'll say it again... my staying as long as I have... I think has slightly crippled my daughters emotionally... They knew something was wrong.. and they chose to bury that issue deep inside.  It did affect them, even though I couldn't see it... and now I'm glad I am showing them that you shouldn't stay in something you are not happy with... as long as you've tried to give it as much of a chance as you can.  I would be hypocritical to expect them to act any differently than I do... and I won't.  But I can set an example to live as I believe.. sometimes you just have to weight things... my daughters can understand now... they are old enough.. and mature enough to figure things out.  I let them know how much I love them on a continual basis.... it's the best I can do.
The online world is just that... online.. those few people that choose to be a part of my real life.. I welcome them into it... but those that can just turn me off when their lives don't have need of me that point... well.. that's your prerogative, but don't expect to have a true friendship with me, as I friendship of convenience is what you're after... whether you realize it or not.  ...and I don't like being used.  I've had more than my fill of that over the last few years. I like who I am currently becoming... it's the direction I've been heading all along, it's just that I've had a few setbacks.  Still I'm happy.. and that's what counts... no matter that I've been told otherwise. 

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