Under my Hat

I'm getting old... or am I .... maybe I'm just becoming more and more aware of my limitations... I can still run... or walk as much as I ever have.  ... I am walking a lot at work... I think that has built my stamina up... and I thought I could do more than I actually could.. so I find myself running out of energy.  ...it could be my lifestyle now.  Up by 2:30 every morning tends to wear hard on a person.  Speaking of wearing hard.... that seems to be a more and more common occurrence. I have an erection fairly often now. ...in that sense, maybe I'm not quite as old as I think.  It's a shame I have no way to use them.  Well... I'm sure I could... but I'm a bit more selective than that.  I choose not to subject myself to circumstances I would regret later.  We all tend to do things that we regret not giving more attention to in the decision making process. What causes us to do stupid stuff over and over again... do we really hold on to hope that t...

I am starting to get used to the hours... I think... who knows.. one day I feel like I was drug out of my bed kicking and screaming... other days I feel like I've been poured full of coffee and energy drinks... I've cut down on my morning coffee by the way... Oh... I didn't blog about that... after first moving here, I started drinking flavored coffee in the mornings... but I've decided I don't want to get dependent on that.... I still have the occasional coffee... but as I've said before... too much of anything is a bad idea... so I cut back.  I also decided to give up something for Lent... I might have blogged about it... but I tried to think of something that would be a sacrifice.. so I gave up masturbation.  I know that's not really in the spirit of Lent... as far as giving up something like that... but hey... I can't think of many other things I enjoy more... especially with my sex life as it is... I sorta don't have the inspiration at this poi...

waiting for my last batch of muffins to cool... just thought I'd blog for a few minutes.  back up for work in 6 hours... I have had an uneventful weekend as most others have been.  I think maybe I'm channeling all my pent up sexual energy into cooking... I know that if I am... I'm gonna soon be one helluva cook.  It's probable I could go out and relieve frustration.. but if I did that, I wouldn't be me.  I am very selective about those things... plus.. I have a plan... an idea of the way things are supposed to be... and I won't deviate from that course.  Yes.. I'm single again... but that doesn't mean I'll ever be promiscuous.. I plan on always being monogamous.. it's not really a choice.. well.. maybe maybe a choice that I couldn't live with myself any other way... but also I know what I'm looking for in life.. and I will hold out for that... I will never settle.. and if it takes another 5 - 10 years... that's what it will take.  I...

Do you ever notice how some people seem destined to live out the same scenario over and over again.   And if you're looking from outside the box, you can see it as plain as day... the mistakes certain people make.  Of course if you're inside the box... things aren't quite so easily noticed...  I just feel like I can say things to certain people.. and even though I'm trying to help.. it's a neverending cycle of destructive behavior.  so... do we leave people alone.. and just let them find out again... and again... and again.. that they've made the same mistake?   ...or do we once more throw our two cents in there and try to give that advice that continues to fall on deaf ears.  I guess it comes down to what we think of ourselves.  I suppose I keep saying something because I know at least I try.. and continue to try to help someone I consider a friend... even though I know my efforts are fruitless. We all have some type of destructive behavior.  I'...

I see that the long days won't be too easy... but it's worth the extra money.  I had lots of fog this morning. It took a little while longer than I expected.  I usually pick up 2 sausage mcmuffins with egg from McD's... I'm gonna hit up IHOP soon.. right now I'm cooking bacon in the oven on a broiler pan... wax paper under to dispose of the grease easily.  I made carrot cake muffins yesterday.  I put real carrots and raisins in them... they were awesome... I was asked to make some more... I think I'm spoiling people at the center.   I stayed very busy today... picked up 30 minutes of overtime after work as well as 4 hours before.. I'm glad I can sleep well... I sleep much better now than I ever have... It makes a world of difference when there's a sense of peace in your life. I can't believe the overwhelming feeling of happiness I have at moments... then I think about my daughters at times.. and a type of sadness sets in... I'm pretty sure I...

It's the first long day of many... but it will mean quite a bit of extra money.  I've found out that my tech/community college teaching stint might be starting the summer semester. I am starting to fit in very well here... I never realized that there would be quite so much traffic so early in the morning. I get to grab a bite to eat on the clock... and then get some stuff done. I  am starting to settle in here... it's a somewhat foreign land to me... 11 hours from where I grew up.. at least by car.. I don't know how long it will take me  to feel comfortable.. but I'm not worried about it.  I don't really know anyone around here... but I feel that in time, I might be able to call this area my home. I'm looking forward to it. I made this move for me... and although there are times I worry it might have been a bad decision... so much more of the time I know I did what I was supposed to do... I just need to concentrate on being the best... me... that I can be...

Not sure if this is what normal is supposed to feel like, but it feels pretty damn good. I've been working on me.. maybe that's a bit selfish, but it's what needed to be done.  Now I'm doing as I please.. I went to the city last weekend.. just because I could.. I still have Dad trying to control as much as he can.. and yes.. that's somewhat annoying.. but I do what I want.. when I want... and I've never enjoyed my freedom more.  Does that mean I'm throwing caution to the wind?  ..of course not.  I still make what I would deem as responsible choices, but at least they're MY choices to make. I am going to start going into work at 3:30 am on Monday morning... for as long as they'll let me.  I am supposed to go to take a student to the MARC station each morning... then come back and work on whatever I want... but I think once they figure out how much overtime money they'll be paying out.. it won't last too long.. maybe a pay period or two... b...