I Will Always Be Me.

waiting for my last batch of muffins to cool... just thought I'd blog for a few minutes.  back up for work in 6 hours... I have had an uneventful weekend as most others have been.  I think maybe I'm channeling all my pent up sexual energy into cooking... I know that if I am... I'm gonna soon be one helluva cook.  It's probable I could go out and relieve frustration.. but if I did that, I wouldn't be me.  I am very selective about those things... plus.. I have a plan... an idea of the way things are supposed to be... and I won't deviate from that course.  Yes.. I'm single again... but that doesn't mean I'll ever be promiscuous.. I plan on always being monogamous.. it's not really a choice.. well.. maybe maybe a choice that I couldn't live with myself any other way... but also I know what I'm looking for in life.. and I will hold out for that... I will never settle.. and if it takes another 5 - 10 years... that's what it will take.  I've too many times in the past... thought I would be happy, just because it felt right... but I've been wrong before... I know what I feel.. and without those feelings... that knowing on my part.. I won't take any action... unfortunately my feelings seem to last longer.. and are stronger than those I've been with. I can't help that... I don't want anyone to change who they are... but perhaps being a bit more transparent could help from time to time.  My major problem is I throw everything out there.. it's not my problem though.. it's the problem of those I've been with.. I've come to the conclusion that females in general sit there.. all these emotions pent up... and they expect people to know how they feel without even a word or phrase to show for it.. or maybe people are expected to take hints.  I would much prefer an open communication... but I seem to take my cue from those I've been with... I seem to clam up much the same way they do.. at that point it starts going downhill... even if I don't want to admit it.  I am always optimistic.. and hopeful to a certain point... even if I see things crashing down around me.. but I choose to be who I am... not for anyone else.. for me. ...and I will always be me. 

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