I Hate Being Micromanaged.

This my 6th week of getting up at 2am.. it's beginning to take its toll on me.. I crashed last night... a Friday night.. early.  Now.. at 3 on Sat. morning, I'm paying the price... hopefully I can grab a nap later... who knows..  I do know that my sleeping schedule might be screwed up for awhile..  I have 2 more weeks of getting up at this horrible time.. and then I can tone it down a bit to maybe 5-10 hours a week... if I even want to work that. It's pretty much up to me.   I love the confidence they put in me where I'm currently working.  They actually treat me  like a human being.  That's something I haven't had in a very long time.  I've come to the realization that I am the type of person that coerces people into using me.. maybe that's how I defined self-worth.. I know my past relationships.. even my marriage.. I sorta tried to become this... go-to guy. I think there might have been one or two people that didn't take advantage to a great extent... but then others didn't really give a flying flip how much I threw myself out there.. they were users in the worst sort of way... and then would discard you after...  I will maintain my somewhat generous nature... it's part of who I am... but I've learned my lesson the hard way that people really just don't care.. they say they do.. but they only care because of convenience... or because they are enjoying what's going on at the moment.  I don't go out making friends because I think I need them now.. I have come to understand that you can't make someone care about you.,,, and dependency... that isn't caring.. it's being stuck with... because of either a financial.. physical.. or emotional need. Most people are crazy... I'm pretty sure I am a majority of the time. I've always tried to support those people around me.. and didn't worry that much about the consequences to myself.   That's changed now... my experiences have taught me that if you don't care about yourself enough to put yourself at least near the top of your list... you're gonna get screwed.. and not in the good way. I endured a marriage for so long that I didn't feel like I would ever be happy again... so I clung to the bits of happiness I could find.  Unfortunately, in that situation, what appears to be happiness is short lived. I'm independent now... I do most of what I want.. when I want.. except at 3 am on a Sat. morning... LOL  ... I have a small apartment.. but I love it.. I have a stocked bar... a little kitchen where I can cook.. and a place to sleep... I really don't need a whole lot more. I appreciate the fact that right now.. I could get dressed.. and take off wherever I wanted for the weekend.. and not have to answer to anyone.  I don't mind being held accountable for what I do... but I hate being micromanaged. 

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