Let It Be What It Is.

I have a bucket list... I'm not even sure what all is on the bucket list... but I hear of things I want to do... and then that gets added.  I'm in a place in my life now where I can work toward those things... I wanna fuck on an overnight train... I want to sleep in a castle... Irish... German...  I wanna see Vlad the Impaler's castle, but I'm not sure I want to sleep there. I need to go on a cruise.. that's one of my first bucket list items I've ever had.. I'm sure there are places I want to see... but to start with... a cruise anywhere... then I'll think about more precise locations the next time.   I want to drive across country with someone...  I want to visit Paradise Falls in Oregon... and pick up a voodoo doughnut there..  I want to watch a porn with someone...and act out random scenes...  I am going to a burlesque show this Sat.... I don't know if I've blogged about it ...but I'm pretty sure I did.  I want lots of things... but I'll do the things I can... and wait on the things that might be a little farther out of my reach. I would love to attend a cooking class... or two.. I want a huge kitchen... I want to go to a cabin in the middle of the woods.. and just spend a week or two... preferably with someone... The list is probably endless... but I realize I've lived most of my life in a bubble.  ...afraid to venture out into the unknown.. sure I might run into things that I'm not ready for... but at least I'll be living my life... that's what I'm doing now.. living my life the way I want... I'm not ready to follow a foolhardy quest to walk a dangerous path.. not even if it is an exciting proposition... I almost always try to use some degree of judgement in my life... even at the most breathtaking moments... I'm not generally one to take the plunge without looking... not saying I never will just take a leap of faith... I'm sure I will.. but I have to have a few safety harnesses in place before doing so.   I like everything about the freedom I'm experiencing... even if there are a few ties to hold me... I'm thankful for those ties.

I've done things in my past that made me feel special... I've had special people in my life that didn't always turn out to be who they said they were... sometimes.. most of us don't know exactly who we are... it's all a road to self-discovery.  I am glad I still try to stick to the values I've held for myself.. even if I've strayed from them a few times... but I've always tried to be open.. honest... dependable.. I've not run into anyone with those particular traits.. but there are some good people in this world. Several times I've run into others with one or two of those ideas, and even other awesome qualities to boot.. but when I think I've found the "click" there is always something hidden that seems to come out.... maybe not at first.. but over time.  I think I lead people to discover things about themselves they've never known... I don't think I change.. not very much anyway... it's just difficult to understand how people can change so much.. I suppose they grow... but they usually end up growing in an different direction... That's okay... Someone once told me that "It is what it is" ...and I hate that.. but it's true... I've learned that lesson on more than one occasion... but I will be what I am.. do what I do.. and let it be what it is..