Under my Hat

Okay... I have no business being online.... or on some of the sites... most every post I make are general posts not aimed at anyone... I won't engage in the sort of childish behavior that I find myself wanting to do... I try to vent, but I realize that some people are just too petty to be around... and that's okay.. It's not like I really need anything in particular... so I closed down some things... changed a bit here too... in fact, no one can read what I'm typing now... so I am the guy that just sits and talks to himself... at least it gives me a chance to get things out. I have a tendency to something post for others anyway, no matter how much I try not to... this way I can alleviate that hindrance to having a blog that isn't tainted... I think it may turn out to be much better this way... will I open it up again at some point??  ...I don't know... I might not even have it unreachable by the public for very long of a time.. but if someone wants access, they...

You know how it is when you are certain you know something... then you find out it isn't true? ...I've done that more than once in my life... I think that maybe we all jump to conclusions too quickly at times.  I am always joking about how I am never wrong... it's sort of my thing... and where I'm not admitting to being wrong now... it is possible I've made more than my share of mistakes in my life. I think it's funny that some mistakes always come back around to haunt you years... sometimes even decades after the incident occurred. I look at my life and really don't see much remarkable.. I'm not even sure why people read my blog anymore... it's not like I have a whole lot to say... I just use it as a journal.. sort of a diary... I also use it to get out things that are rattling around inside of my head.  I can't see where that's really all that interesting. I was a much better writer at one time.. even though I'm not horrible now, I hav...

Another morning... and Dad is still here.. I only got woken up once last night to see if I was okay... I'm starting to miss the nights when I got unbroken sleep.  Sure... occasionally I have to get up to answer the call of nature... (no, I don't mean masturbating) ...but I limit myself to no liquids within two hours of bedtime and it seems to work. I woke up early this morning and got some things taken care of.. now I'm taking a few minutes out for myself.  Do you ever wonder why we are so preoccupied with time... and needing to know what time it is.. I have several clocks in my house.. including 4 in the kitchen on various devices. We all put ourselves on some type of schedule.  I wonder if it will be this way when I retire... of course that's still 15 years off.. but I yearn for a time when I get up when I want.. sleep when I want.. and no one tells me when I have to do anything... or at least mostly not... I think my dad is on that now... He's still awake at var...

I'm developing a conscience.. I know... it's a sad day.. but I feel badly when I say something without thinking... and then someone takes it negative... at one time I kept up with who read my blog.. and who didn't... but as of late... I just assumed that no one reads it except the one or two that I gave it to... and I wasn't even certain how much they read..  I haven't even been watching the counter at the bottom of the page...  I don't want to censor myself.. but I don't want to hurt anyone with my thoughts either. Sometimes I get on a small trip to the back corners of my mind and dig stuff out. I really have no business doing that, as the past needs to stay in the past.. today I talked about people who were in my life at one time.. and I said things that if you think about it.. might be negative.. I still overthink things.. I suppose it's something I'll always do... but I believe that everyone makes choices that is best for them... and that's ...

I don't think any of us really have life planned... or if we do, we end up having to make revisions of our plan. I am one that doesn't believe in absolutes... but I do believe in strong probabilities.. and I try to play the odds. Except in lottery tickets... I play those occasionally against the odds. That doesn't mean that I know what's going to happen... but in most situations, I can take a well-educated guess. It's getting much easier with age. I feel that with each passing year, I'm missing out on things that I wanted to do someday. Unfortunately, I'm not at a point in my life where I can do much about it. I still have many limitations put on me... well.. actually I put them on myself, but I'm more inclined to do that than I am to face the consequences of what happens if I go ahead and do them. I know that sounds cryptic, but it's not meant to be... it just covers a wide variety of circumstances.  There are parts of me that would just love to no...

Finally... semi-caught-up at work.. and there is talk of overtime opening up... we'll see how that goes.  I will be happy to be away from the house more while my dad is here.. I got everything lined up for repair to my vehicle... and the insurance got the rental scheduled... so all is good there.. I don't seem to be having any luck with my insulin injections so far.. they haven't hurt.. but they haven't helped either... so I need to contact my endocrinologist and see what he has to say.  I am a bit anxious for the warm weather to get here so I can get a bit more exercise... I am logging into the flirting sites... just to get the witty remarks out of my system... I don't have much social interaction these days... just a few texts on occasion... but I can live with that. Dad hampers my mood for social interaction anyway.  I know at some point he won't be with us anymore... or at least that's probable... with my luck he will outlive me.. I don't actually...