I Need Changes.

Another morning... and Dad is still here.. I only got woken up once last night to see if I was okay... I'm starting to miss the nights when I got unbroken sleep.  Sure... occasionally I have to get up to answer the call of nature... (no, I don't mean masturbating) ...but I limit myself to no liquids within two hours of bedtime and it seems to work. I woke up early this morning and got some things taken care of.. now I'm taking a few minutes out for myself.  Do you ever wonder why we are so preoccupied with time... and needing to know what time it is.. I have several clocks in my house.. including 4 in the kitchen on various devices. We all put ourselves on some type of schedule.  I wonder if it will be this way when I retire... of course that's still 15 years off.. but I yearn for a time when I get up when I want.. sleep when I want.. and no one tells me when I have to do anything... or at least mostly not... I think my dad is on that now... He's still awake at various times of the night... and he doesn't seems to stay awake all day either... he can be asleep on the couch sitting there.. and when I try to turn off Fox News... his eyes pop open and I hear him say "I was watching that" ...It's really an aggravating circumstance.. I had a friend over yesterday for my help with some tax assistance.. Dad said he was probably going to leave soon... I'll believe that when I see it... at least he wasn't his miserable "nobody cares about me" self. I worry that I'll get that way... I mean, he is one of the most generous people on the planet... but it all comes with a cost... that you'll let him have some degree of control. I told him three nights ago that he acts like a little kid... I think I have covered all of this in my blog previously... I seem to forget a little more these days. Maybe I'm getting mental.. after all... if I was mental, I'd never really know it. Not that there is anything wrong with being a bit off in your mode of thinking... We are all unique and individual and it takes a wide variety to make up the population.

I'm looking forward to catching up... work.. life... it seems I am always running behind... maybe I am just distracted enough with life that I forget most of the things I need to do... I do distract myself. There are so many things I'd rather do other than concentrate on the necessary actions I need to take. The days tick by.. there goes that clock again... At times it seems as though all I do is pay attention to time passing.. it's a good method for keeping oneself centered, but it destroys the idea of being productive. Maybe it's a motivation factor again.. I know I have issues with that as well... but there's not really a whole lot to be working for... except to make it through another day... then another ... and another... weeks.. months.. years.. it all blends together... I need to start setting some goals.. even small minor goals... I know that's not taking each day as it comes, but this drifting thing sucks donkey balls.. I'm not sure how sucking donkey balls would actually be.. but I can't think of anything enjoyable in the slightest for it is... except maybe perhaps for the donkey. Nope... not even going there.. my mind is a twisted place at times.... but every once in awhile I sorta gross myself out. I sometimes find even that amusing.. It's a good thing to be witty... to laugh.. to enjoy life.. but I've stopped enjoying it on a whole... I need to make some adjustments... I spend too much time waiting for something to happen to break the boredom cycle... I should take matters into my own hand (no... still not talking about masturbation) .. and I should try to enact some positive changes in my world.. I'm too passive, and I dislike passive... whether it's me.. or someone else that enacts them, I need changes.