Learn to deal.

I have decided that I will never force a post here.. if I have a few things on my mind... and I'm not certain what I want to blog about.. I might start blogging.. but I won't finish it unless I feel it is worthy of being issued.. that doesn't mean I will censor myself.. I will continue to carry on with what is first and foremost on my mind.. sometimes it just takes me a bit of time to work things out in my head.  I am still recovering from a bad weekend.. but I am almost back to normal.  I had a coworker yesterday tell me that her mom.. also another coworker.. is going through almost the exact situation that my mom went through in Dec.  Right now, she is just beginning to deal with the problems.. but I am hoping she isn't as far along as my mom was.  It's difficult to sit and discuss things with her.. and try to not be pessimistic.. although I know that isn't what she needs right now. I will just keep her in my thoughts and prayers.  I know that a lot of my friends are going through trying times of their own.. and some of it is leading to tense feelings.. maybe feelings of hurt and being alone.. I try to be there for my friends, but I'm not always able to do that. I hope they understand. If they don't.. it's all I can be anyway.  I am available for much of the time.. as my home life isn't very intrusive in my life as I am just existing for the most part.. bringing in money.. that's the way I feel anyway.  I realize that I come across as passive aggressive at times myself.. but I need someone to snap me out of it when I do.. I hope to avoid the passive aggressive behavior and deal with things in a more direct manner.. I believe this is why I have as many issues with my life as I do.  I don't confront things one on one.. and when my passive aggressive behavior isn't recognized I feel shunned.. it's my own fault really.. No one puts me where I am except myself. Until I learn how to deal with things directly.. I must accept the consequences. I am not a fan of arguing with anyone.. but sometimes I find it difficult to back off in instances where I feel the stakes are very important. I need to be more accepting of how things are.. and just ...learn to deal.

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