Continue trying to be me.

Okay.. so I'm pretty much back to normal.. just feeling a bit.. disoriented at times.  I don't like.. passive aggressive.. and it seems like that's what I get a lot.. I'm not even sure they know they are doing it. Possibly it has become such an ingrained part of their lives on such a scale that they really don't realize what they are doing.  People tend to become martyrs for no reason.. I, myself, have put myself into this role... for my daughters... but to what end.. Am I sending them the signal that this is okay?... I sometimes behave in a manner that I hate seeing in others.. and I feel that I'm being hypocritical.  Would I want to send this message to my children.. that it's okay to be passive.. to suffer so that others around you are happy.  It's a good message if the circumstances are that of someone whose actions will affect many lives.. I want the people around me.. my friends.. my daughters.. to be happy... but at some point we have to realize that our unhappiness... will just cause unhappiness for other people in our lives.. just the same.  Each one of us.. has in our mind what friendship entails.  I have people in my life.. because I want them there.. because they have demonstrated the characteristics that I deem to be desirable in my world..

I refer to a previous post..
http://bitofblogging.blogspot.com/2011/06/what-is-friend.html

I read through that.. and it still stands..  I want to be here for my friends.. but I need my friends to be here for themselves at times.  Don't tell me things you know to be false. I told a few friends I was fine.. last week.. and I lied to them.. when I wasn't posting.. all wasn't fine.. I was in the middle of a bit of a meltdown.. and I just needed a day or so.. then when I interacted.. I got all kinds of crap that I took as not being an adequate friend. I realize that I was just hypersensitive.. and my head wasn't completely screwed back on straight... but I am getting back to normal... when I am about bottomed out... and can't cope with my own life.. it makes it very difficult for me to care what's going on elsewhere.. in any case.. I'm sorry ...I owe an apology to those in my life that I pushed away... those that I couldn't be there for.. and all I can do.. is start a brand new day.. and continue trying to be me.

Comments

  1. Baby BlueMay 22, 2012 at 5:40 AM

    A true friend will forever be there...No matter what!
    Keep Smilin!

    ReplyDelete
  2. SpecialKMay 24, 2012 at 5:29 AM

    Thank you.. I believe that too... and I am.

    ReplyDelete

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