Idiots of this world unite!!

It seems as though this is a time in my life where I have attracted an "idiot magnet."  I have people I work with who are supposed to be competent managers to call me up and ask..."Can you help me log onto a computer.."   .. a bit of background info is in order... I have set this person up with an account on a computer that is normally not his own.  After looking on my phone and seeing his number, I get one of those reflex actions that tingle up from the bottom of my spine.. and throttles the base of my brain. As I post more.. and include information about Mr. L, you will better understand.
In any case... I tell this vacuum of wasted space that I have set up an account for him.. and told him that he wrote down his username and password... He replied that he was getting "central at dell"... and couldn't log in.  This confused me a bit and I then asked what screen he was on... which is like asking my 8 yr. old daughter to formulate theories in quantum mechanics.  I best decided to take the what I thought at the time was "the simple approach."  I asked him if he could shut down his computer and restart from square one... to which he immediately flipped the power switch on his surge suppressor. This did accomplish the task at hand, but somewhat more abruptly than I had intended.  He let the system boot up... as I waited...patiently.. then he informed me that he was at the same screen where he first encountered his problem.   I asked did he still see "central at dell"...
"Yes.."

...now I know what the initial screen is supposed to look like... and after a few seconds, I had the resolution to our vexxing issue.
"Do you possibly mean... ctrl alt del" ...after about 10 seconds.."That could be it... it wants me to press that to log in."
My pain in the base of my brain was rapidly spreading now.. as I struggled to keep my professionalism.  "Ok... I need you to find three keys on your keyboard.. one is labelled CTRL.. one is labelled ALT ...and one is labelled DELETE."
30 seconds pass while the theme music from Jeopardy's final question goes rattling through what parts of my brain that weren't affected yet by the still expanding assault of dull pain shooting from my spine. 
"I can't find them"
...in this person's defense... legally blind could be an accurate description of his eyesight. 
"Ok.... on the lower left corner of the keyboard... do you see CTRL?"

"I think so.."

"Ok... two keys to the right... do you see the key labelled ALT?"

"I believe I do..."

"Ok... now  between your letters and your numbers.. you have a group of 6 keys... NOT the four arrow keys.. but just above them...do you see them?"

"Yes"

"One of them is labelled.. DELETE"

"Ok... got it."

...finally I see a light at the end of the tunnel...

"I need you to press all three of those keys at the same time.."

"Ok.."

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

...I wish someone could have warned me that the light I saw only moments before... was an oncoming train.. it barrelled down on what few remaining unaffected portions of cerebral matter.. and crushed any hope I had for this going well.  I was not completely beat yet though...

"I need you to hold down the CTRL key... got it?"

"Ok."

"Now... I need you to hold down the ALT key....WHILE..you are still holding the CTRL key.."

"Got it..."

"DON'T let go of those first two keys...while you are holding them.. press the DELETE key.."

"Nothing happened"

Aaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhh!!!!... my mind was slowly melting..."Press all three at the same time.."

"Still nothing"

This simple three second procedure was approaching fifteen minutes now.. and I was ready to admit that any more of this was what I imagine being akin to taking a file and grinding your teeth down to the nerves would feel like.. not quite painful yet... but knowing something BAD was happening...

"Give me five minutes... I will be right there." 

I already had it in my mind that I was going to interact with this individual as little as possible so that I could hang tight to what fringes of sanity that still remained. I briskly walked across the campus to the building where I stood and knocked at the doorway.  I glanced up slightly expecting to see the sign:

ABANDON ALL HOPE... YE WHO ENTER HERE!

After waiting for about three minutes.. I was about ready to blow this off and walk away.  I started my retreat..only to hear the door opening.. and this man with his ever-vacant stare looking at me.. I pleasantly said hi.. as I walked past him... now.. my training tells me I should let the user recreate the problem.. but this is useless with this man.. he takes very few notes.. and never remembers anything.. so I walk to his computer... press "central at dell" .. as he supposedly has done several times... and all us right with the world again... I bid a hasty retreat as though whatever malady he has concerning technical equipment might be contagious... I suddenly feel the need to find a decontamination chamber.. but none would be available without a long drive.

That was yesterday... and a portion of my brain is still numb from the experience.