Under my Hat

The long weekend started off horrible!! ...I splash water on my shorts at the airport.. and it looks like I peed myself, so... I think about it.. and Hey.. I've still got 30 minutes.. and a carryon full of other clothes.. so I decide to change my shorts in the bathroom... so.. here I am in the stall.. with my suitcase open.. and taking the few things I have left in my pocket (I hate having to empty a bunch of stuff from my pockets for airport security) ... I put my cell phone on the toilet paper holder...   I get my shorts changed.. and as I'm about to zip up my suitcase.. they call for boarding for my flight... Normally, I would be very happy to get to leave early.. but not when I am half dressed in the airport bathroom... so I quickly finish zipping up my carryon and rush for the desk...  Everyone is loaded up quickly and we are off... so... I need to make sure my cell phone is turned off.. wait... it's not in my pocket..  ummm.. I don't see it in my laptop ...

It seems for the past few days I've been getting up earlier and earlier... it's a good thing... my two daughters start school on the first of August, and I have to make sure the bathroom is clear by 6 am. They have to ride the bus around 6:30 or so.  I have sorta grown accustomed to sleeping about 45 minutes later with the summer break.  I suppose I knew that my sleeping late would have to end sooner or later. We worry about what others will do when we make decisions that affect them...  like when we moved back out here.. I knew they would have to spend close to an hour each morning on the bus, but they adjust.. just as they will with any decision I have to make. I still don't know how to tell them I'm going to move out.  I don't want them to think it's their fault.  I don't know how I'll make them understand that it's not their fault.. that their mom and I just don't think of each other as intimate partners. I almost think they already know.. ...

I found myself with an evening with nothing planned.. so.. hey, I'll clean up a few things of clutter that I need to get rid of... now 7 hours later, I have 4 garbage bags full of stuff and clothes I'll never wear (2 garbage bags of them)   ...and still working on it.... but I'm getting tired, so I'll be continuing this tomorrow. I've made a LOT of headway in the excavation process.. now it's just a matter of putting stuff back up.. I'm taking 3 old monitors and an old printer I will never use down to where I work so that the students can tinker with them  (yes, I know that monitors can hold a charge.. these will be discharged even though they haven't been plugged up in over 2 years)  It's amazing how much crap a person accumulates that we don't realize.  I knew I had a lot, but never this much... I'm still not sure where it all was hiding.  I still have about the same amount of room as before.  I think maybe cleaning was way overdue.  I...

I have spent the last two weeks at the center without any students... a Summer Break.. at the beginning of the break, I had so many plans to accomplish.. but how many of them did I get done... MAYBE 1 or 2... For some reason, I spent most of my "break" helping other employees get their crap done. I am not authorized for overtime now, or I would spend evenings working on things.  I might have to "hang around" and hope I don't get caught.  The students will be back on Tues.  ...and I don't think I'll have anything I wanted to get done.. completed.  I guess I could make them all do it.  I'm such a bad instructor. I think my dad finally got a bit of the message. I haven't been picking up my phone during my work hours, so he might have figured out that I'm not going to change my mind about not talking to him until after work.  Today at 2 minutes after my work time ended, he called.. and I answered... and he hasn't called since... wow!  Of co...

Heat index was over 110 today... then finally the rain came.  The road actually STEAMED for a bit... it looked like dry ice for awhile...  it's bearable now.. but then comes the call from my dad... "It's coming a flood here... you need to be careful of water standing in low places... are you leaving work soon?" "No.. it rained for about an hour.. now it's not raining anymore... no water standing" ...so about an hour later.. he starts calling again... I let it go to voice mail... "it's still raining here... you need to get home so you don't get trapped down there"  ...here we go...   My dad.. is definitely OCD... or something.. once he gets an idea trapped in his thick skull he doesn't let it go.. and I'm not in the mood to hear it today... so I put his calls to automatically go to voice mail.... luckily he doesn't have my work number.  BUT... he does call my spouse.. many times.. "Is Kevin home yet?"   ...

It is freakin' HOT here... it's cooled off some.. down to 96 now.. was 102 today... I don't even know what the heat index was.. but my guess is around 110.  I will be so glad to see a bit cooler weather get here.. it's too miserable out to do anything.  ...not that I would do anything outside anyway.  I have some concerns for a friend, but I'm certain I'll find out about it in due time.  ...that doesn't keep me from worrying just a bit. I shouldn't do that... worry about things I have no control over, but sometimes, we just can't help it.  I get these "feelings" every once in awhile that something of consequence has occurred.  The problem is, I don't always know what... just ..something.  So here I sit, concerned over ... I don't know what I'm concerned over.. but it's something.   I have ideas, but I don't care to speculate.  I think someone did something very stupid today and now the cleanup begins. My dad called me ...

It's amazing what a bit of lying in the dark.. thinking.. can do.  I lay in my bed last night, pondering things, and eventually realized that I WAS being passive... letting things happen and just dealing with them.. This is generally my way, however there are times where one has to grab one's balls and make some decisions. I am NOT cutting my hair,  and I AM going to go ahead with my trip.  Yes, there will be some inconveniences, and yes, it won't be the most ideal circumstances, but nevertheless, I owe it to myself to spend a bit of time away... and I know the weekend will have some wonderful aspects. I still have to work out some of the details, but due to my recent overtime, I can afford a bit of extra cost. I am just glad to not let anyone dictate my life in this event.  My Dad, my spouse.. even the people who don't realize they are dictating it by circumstance.  I am in control of my life... at least on this one thing.  I refuse to let ever...

So... it looks like my mini-vacation will have to be cancelled.  Due to circumstances beyond the control of anyone, I have 5 consecutive days planned off.. and nothing to do during them.  This means I have 3 choices:  I can stay at home with my spouse and family and be completely driven bonkers, during which time I will be very irritable about having to cancel my plans;  I can go ahead and take another mini-vacation somewhere else by myself and be utterly alone for the entire weekend.. hence still miserable; or I can cancel my time off and try to keep myself busy to take my mind off the fact that it will be at least 6 months before I can reschedule my long weekend activity.  It's somewhat a no-brainer. I will be working, that way I won't have to come back to a shitload of work piled up for me to do, and I will keep myself active ...at least partially. I've also decided that I am going to shave my head.. I think someone is right when they described me as passiv...

I woke up this morning just knowing that today was going to be a long day.  It was very dark and dreary... raining a bit.. when I drove to work this morning. A morning conversation on the phone perked up the day a little bit, but after arriving at work, I found that the new IT guy was needing a bit of guidance. I was on a schedule and felt the time slowly ticking away. It seems that our director wasn't able to use his flash drive in his machine.  My first thought was that the security of our network was preventing it. After a bit of troubleshooting, my suspicions were confirmed.  His machine hadn't been used in months and everything was out of date... his predecessor were using laptops, so we could spend hours updating or troubleshooting.. or we could just reload an image on it.. in about 40 minutes.. then about 15 minutes worth of windows updates.. and we're as good as new.. with an image I know isn't corrupted.  He doesn't wanna do that.. he is afraid he won't...

Sometimes it's nice to think about the future... and what might be...  I keep wishing I could win a lottery, but in reality having someone that truly loves you is better than any lottery I could ever win.  However, the money WOULD make things so much simpler... Everything is still so unsettled.  It's ok though... I know that if we just take each day as it comes, everything will eventually be ok. I keep thinking about all the things I'd love to do.  That's why I will soon create a "bucket list."  I've put a little thought into it but there are so many things I want to do that my list could take up several pages.  I guess I have a whole lot of hopes and dreams. When I get my list narrowed down to 100 items or so, I will publish it on here.. and hopefully I'll be able to post when each item is accomplished. One thing I've noticed lately is that I don't have much of a desire to watch television.... at least not like I used to.   There's ver...

So... I've been working two positions since our IT guy left in April... new guy just started so I am no longer working overtime.  Now I can go back to just teaching.  I've been putting an average of 20 hours a week in extra time...which is not a whole lot... but it's just a tiring experience... I am ready to take a weekend and just get away.  I need that.  I am hoping things work out that I an do that soon, but there are a lot of things up in the air at the moment.  It is possible that it might be October before I can get away.  We shall see... so for the next 4 days, I'll keep my fingers crossed.. It might be a little harder to type that way, but it's worth it.  Now I am spending more time at home, I am realizing that I'd just as soon be at work though.  It seems like I live in a house full of strangers.. my spouse is always watching tv.. and my oldest daughter is on her netbook computer in her room...  I did spend some quality time at hom...

I ran across a poem I wrote when I was 18 or 19 years old... Was I an emo kid?  ...I don't remember being that way, but by the way it sounds, I must have been. Even if they didn't have emo kids back then. After I fall plummeting downward. Feeling the ecstacy of life speeding slowly past me. Offering no hand to let me in Enclosed in a shell sheltered by torment seeking no escape from the cage that keeps the world locked away Lending an ear to the screams of those without. Blinding light exudes from the punctures in the flesh of the protector Drilling a path into the darkness of the safe, stable environment that torments the soul of humanity. Light flakes fall into the abyss of the blazing furnace drifting to the end of their existance without a conscious thought of their impending demise. Senseless drivel plummeting downward feeling the ecstacy of life speeding slowly toward me Clawing inside of my very spirit.   I'm pretty sure this had signi...

I was thinking this morning about hamburgers... I dunno why, hungry I guess.  Anyway... I remember the best hamburger I have ever eaten was at a place in Nashville, TN called Fat Mo's .  It is my experience that even the location makes a bit of difference in the taste.  There are several of these establishments now (18, I think,) but my favorite is still the one on Murfreesboro Rd. by Briley Parkway. I have taken several people to this location to experience a seasoned ground beef patty with all the fixin's. I always get the Fat Mo's Super Deluxe Burger (Over 27oz.)  ...and yes.. I'm a bit of a pig...  the above pic is what is left when I have been devouring one of these tasty treats for a few minutes and am almost halfway done with it... even though there is still quite a bit left. The place is a somewhat small and sorta "dumpy" looking... but their food is most excellent.  I highly recommend if anyone is around Nashville, that they give this restaur...

Ah. Being a contributor has it's privilages. Ok, this was in response to your *Stuck* post. But it didn't work in *reply*. But it's weird all out there on it's own too. I'm gonna lose my privlages I bet.

My Dad...  before I was born, I think my dad had something inserted to make sure I was still there.. and to track me if I left the womb early to go out somewhere..some sort of "tracking chip"  After I was born... I really don't remember much.. but I have a vague suspicion that baby monitors were used a lot... he'd still do that now if he could get away with it... My father is a very kind, loving man...  He would give you the shirt off his back..  but... if someone tries to short him in some way.. without his permission... he will NEVER forget it...  Dad has this vision of how things are supposed to be.. and he refuses to see things another way.  All through school he was so cynical of everyone and how they were just out to plunder, pillage and destroy... you would think we lived in a Viking village.  Still I get some of cynicism from him... I find it hard to trust people.. and I think that is his fault.  I fell asleep on the couch as a ki...