I can only see good things.

So.. it's been awhile.. I realized that I am just regurgitating the same stuff.. over and over again.. just in a slightly different format. ...and I am becoming formalized in my blogging.. instead of keeping it true to my feelings.. so I need to try not to post.. just to be posting.  I don't know how frequently I will post at the moment.. but I figure that will work it's way out.

Where I work.. is still possibly closing.. they're out of money... well.. not out but.. anything spent has to be an emergency and has to go through umpteen hundred channels of red tape. The whole program at all 125 centers were cut.  I am looking for major changes to take place in the next year.. and to be perfectly honest.. I wish they'd just announce it.. if they're going to.. we had to alter summer vacation for the students because we didn't have the money to pay for their transportation home.  So this next year.. on top of being cut even more.. is going to start out even that much more in debt.. as we have transferred all costs to next year's budget.. so we start out in the hole... compared to last year.  I don't see any problems with me going to Las Vegas.. but I never know if that is going to happen or not. We shall see..

I am still in a wonderful relationship.. and no.. it's not my spouse...  My spouse and I will speak on occasion... but there is no hope for communications between us.. and I really have gone way past caring.  I am hoping to get her motivated to find a job soon.. we have talked briefly.. but I don't think she realizes what's coming down the road... Jan. to be exact.  I am still around for my daughters... but I think they are slowly realizing that there are severe problems with their mom and me. My online relationship... I hate to call it that... but I'm trying to take it offline.. it has to continue in the direction it's going.. offline.. in order to move and grow.. she completely understands me.. and I understand her.  I am able to communicate with her.. and she with me.. and we have no.. conflict in what we are trying to say.. it's like we have close to the same thought patterns.. In my past relationships.. cycles happened.. conflict.. resolution.. conflict.. resolution... some more conflict than others.. Those relationships cannot last. There is too much trying to break down the relationship... and relationships are enough work as it is...  You cannot hope to have a healthy relationship if you know it's going to end.. you can only pretend to have one.. and I think that is what happened with several of the people I was involved with... they had doubts.. fears.. I'm glad to say.. that even though there are just a few instances of that.. it's only based on previous relationships.. and I feel I'm able to overcome those little seeds of doubt that crop up.. VERY quickly. I trust her.. completely.. even enough to possibly go all Geronimo.. if I haven't already.. I'm sort of afraid to look down.. because I'm fairly certain there is no ground anywhere near my feet. ...but ... anything worth having is going to involve trusting.. and taking chances... so.. here I am.. trusting..

I am planning a break very soon... a much needed one.. and I am looking forward to it in the worst sort of way. I know this is the next inevitable step.. and rather than being nervous.. I am completely calm and accepting of what is to come.. because I can only see good things.