Under my Hat

My daughter is having an MRI done on her knee this Tuesday.. they don't think it's too serious, but they are being cautious.. I completely agree with that stance, especially since it's my daughter.. She is growing up quickly... she's already an inch taller than me.. and she's only 15. She is somewhat of a recluse.. I think part of that is because she is trapped out here like the rest of us... we don't live close to anyone or anything.. and maybe she is afraid of what is out there.... my spouse has made her live a reclusive existence... she is sort of like me in that respect.. I would love to see her in a less rural setting.. and making more friends.. I know she has a decent head on her shoulders.. I just hope she uses it when she does start getting out. I worry about them.. and probably always will...  well.. I won't say worry.. as much as I have concerns... but life is our best teacher... we have to go through certain hardships to learn and build experienc...

I think I'm letting work get to me... I wasn't able to sleep well last night.. as I woke up from 3 - 4 this morning.. then grabbed about a 45 min of nap time... There are a few concerns in my life.. but most of it I think might be anxiety.. I want to get away from where I'm working. ...don't get me wrong.. I love doing what I do.. I feel I do a terrific job of it.. I just feel that the management at our center is completely steering us in a wrong direction.  There is a lack of communication... a lack of respect.. a lack of accountability.  Because of this.. and my need to be out of this location, I feel like I am overly anxious to get another job and get moved.. This might be part of what is keeping me awake.  Another part of me is worried about my daughter... she hurt her knee last year in phys ed.. and it bothers her every once in a while... well..now it's bothering her consistently, so she is going today to a specialist. I hope it's something easily correcta...

I seem to get closer and closer to what I have been seeking for years now... some freedom... but it still seems just out of reach.  My spouse has a dependable car now.. My daughters both know I'm moving to another state.. my dad is certain of it too.. he just refuses to accept the way things are... and ignores any and all comments. My daughter has hurt her knee... we're not sure how it happened, but she is suppose to have a specialist look at it Friday.  I'm a little concerned over that, but I have faith that things will be okay. My daughters seem a bit more open now that my spouse and I are talking regularly.  Most of what she and I talk about are plans we are getting together for the divorce.  I'm still trying to work out how to pay for that... although I'm still waiting for a bonus I was supposed to get at the end of last year. My union says I've won my grievance... but my local officials tell me I should just be glad we still have a job. Sounds like a bunch...

Sitting here in the doctor office..hoping this will be my last visit here... I'm fairly certain it will be.. just noticed a news announcement about a shooter in the DC area that open fired on several people in a Navy yard there.. I don't understand how people can do something like that.. but even less do I understand why we make such a big deal of it.. yes.. it is tragic.. yes it needs to be reported on to give the public information.. even since there might be two more people involved.. but don't sensationalize this. It seems like I've heard recap after recap monitoring all that has happened. This just gives fuel to those people who may be unstable enough to want the attention... good or bad.  I think at times we all tend to enjoy some attention... Children seek it and will act out to get it. We as adults tend to focus our actions in a more positive manner .. but still occasionally there are those that have never grown up.. the people in this group are susceptible to i...

Time just seems to stand still sometimes.  You know that moment in your life where you see a wide variety of endless opportunities... I appreciate where I am currently, but I don't want to make many mistakes along the way... I've made enough already. I know I'm going to make more. I can't always know exactly what is going to happen, but I have to just trust that I will make the right decisions when it comes to the important things in my life.  I haven't blogged in the last few days.. mainly because there is so much on my mind that when I sit down to blog, I get overloaded with things to say... even now.. there is so much I want to say. To my ex-involvements.. I know I wasn't always the perfect person.. and it was partially because of that... that we didn't work out.. although I won't take all the blame.  I suppose I wasn't what you needed in your life.. and I'm glad you discovered that although I wish the timing had been somewhat better than i...

I'm going to be happy... I am going to take each day as it comes.. and I am going to do for myself.  Had another talk with the spouse today.. and the conversations are getting easier and easier. She has already talked with my oldest and my oldest is just wondering why I haven't made a decision.. I think my youngest will be okay too.. my only concern is my dad.. he's been working both angles.. my daughters.. and me.  He knows my weakness.. he says something about me abandoning my daughters or putting them through hard times.. just about every time he talks to me.. and I let him get to me.  He is trying to manipulate me to get what he wants... he's always been that way and it's part of what irritates me.  Everyone knows that I am moving out.. I am certain my dad sees it coming.. he's just doing his best to delay it as long as possible in hopes that I'll give up on it. Anyway my spouse talks about how I will be dating and all she asks is that if I have someone...

I find that sometimes I'm wrong.. sometimes I'm right.. but most times.. it doesn't matter who is right or wrong. Things are still going to happen. I am certain I've done more than my share as far as upsetting people is concerned. I am okay with that. It seems that others all have their idea of what is good in their life.. and no one needs to consult me about it.. likewise I have no one to answer to.. but there are people in my life I like to let know what is going on. I think that various people fulfill different roles in our life.. and sometimes  it just seems that we end up leaning on other people at times. Then there are the users.. the ones that need to use people up and then move to another then another. I never want to be thought of that way.. but it doesn't matter if I am.. I know I'm not.  I have had many people in my life.. some have moved on.. and others have stuck it out for awhile.. but I need to find a balance in my life.. I am somewhat happy wher...

For some reason I keep waking up early... like 4:30... Actually I woke up a couple of times before then.. but was able to go back to sleep.  I'm really NOT a morning person.. although.. I can keep saying that.. and evidently I am becoming one. I have this fantasy of being awoken by oral sex.. and then moving into a sexual session that lasts all day... not being able to move after 8 or 9 hours... Just a fantasy.. I still have them.. even if I don't actually have the sex itself. I think our hopes and aspirations are what keep us moving sometimes.. Other than that.. my life isn't half bad... of course my job could be better.. but there are positive things there too. My home life needs improving... but I know I'm just in  a temporary stasis there too.. so I can handle things as they are.  I was beginning to wonder if things were actually going to change for awhile there.. but I am more hopeful now than ever before.. so it has given me a second wind. I've been "pla...

Public service announcement.. if  you don't want to hear another one of my blogs about trust.. just stop right here.. because that's pretty much what I'm gonna rant about.  People trust me.. or they don't trust me.. and if they don't.. it's not my issue. I don't trust most people either.. that's just the way life is.. but at some point.. you have to trust someone.. at least to a certain extent.. It's been said to me.. if you like me.. you'll trust me.. no... I will listen to you.. and try to work through my feelings of mistrust... I have few people on my yahoo list.. do I trust them completely... of course not.. but I trust them quite a bit.. some more than others.. When I first start talking to a friend.. and I can remember one friend in particular.. she said.. "We are friends"  ...my response was.. no.. not yet.. but we have the capability of being great friends.. and over time.. she's given me nothing to mistrust her about.. so ...