It'll Be Your Issue Not Mine.

Public service announcement.. if  you don't want to hear another one of my blogs about trust.. just stop right here.. because that's pretty much what I'm gonna rant about.  People trust me.. or they don't trust me.. and if they don't.. it's not my issue. I don't trust most people either.. that's just the way life is.. but at some point.. you have to trust someone.. at least to a certain extent.. It's been said to me.. if you like me.. you'll trust me.. no... I will listen to you.. and try to work through my feelings of mistrust... I have few people on my yahoo list.. do I trust them completely... of course not.. but I trust them quite a bit.. some more than others.. When I first start talking to a friend.. and I can remember one friend in particular.. she said.. "We are friends"  ...my response was.. no.. not yet.. but we have the capability of being great friends.. and over time.. she's given me nothing to mistrust her about.. so we are pretty good friends.. Other people have given me reasons to mistrust them.. but if it's not on purpose.. then I can overlook that.  but once someone lies to me on purpose.. that sets us back.. a lot... I would rather someone tell me a truth that I cannot face.. as to make up an excuse to make it easier.. I recently had another friend.. who had told an untruth.. but I don't kick people out of my life for lying to me.. that person is still in my life.. as long as they want to be.. but guess what.. I am more mistrustful now... because I have a reason to be.. before.. it was MY issue.. and I was working through it.. but then after someone does something mistrustful.. it becomes their issue.. and to gain my trust.. it takes time... I can't help the way I am.. I am going to be this way.. and people can either accept me for that.. or leave.. it's their choice.. I don't hold anyone in my life that doesn't want to be there. That being said.. there are still people in my life that have given me no reason to mistrust them.. and I appreciate them being there.. and I still can't say that I won't have feelings of mistrust.. my past has made me this way. But if they want to be my friend.. that's part of who I am.   I had another friend talk to me about issues they were having with someone about trust.. and it's my outlook.. if you go looking for things.. you'll probably always find something that can make you have doubts.. There are already going to be enough doubts in any relationships just because its the nature of how people are.. and how things are.. My advice.... just be yourself.. if your partner can't accept that.. or if they are reading things that aren't there.. then there are issues that probably can't be worked through.. so.. face them with it.. tell them.. look.. This is who I am.. accept me.. and what I say.. or don't.. but if you have issues.. are they founded.. or unfounded.. if unfounded.. then deal with it and shut the fuck up.. if they are founded.. then we need to work through them.. or end the relationship.. because that's all that can happen.. I seem to delve out advice in many directions as of late... and probably I should take heed of my own advice... I try to do that... I do give people the benefit of the doubt.. even if I am mistrustful in my own head... and if I have a problem with something I "shut the fuck up" ...but once I put something together that doesn't add up.. I'm going to ask about it.. and if it's a lie.. you just set my trust way back.. I understand that sometimes people don't want to talk about certain things.. and that's perfectly fine.. that just helps to define how close of a friend you are.. and I never push people into telling secrets that involve someone else.   I choose to listen.. and yes.. my outlook might be a little cynical at times.. but all I can do is work on it myself.. it's not your issue.. it's mine.  I do realize that.. but don't feed it by telling me a lie... when you do that.. you just push us farther apart as friends because I don't know what to believe anymore.   Now.. there are times.. when people have lied  to themselves.. and want to believe in a certain thing... just because they've said it.. I can overlook that.. I've done that myself.. but I try to become more aware of who I am.. so that doesn't happen.  But don't cover it up with a lie.. when I realize something.. I am always going to try to be straightforward about things.. and yes.. it might not be something you want to hear.. but I want to be the type of person.. if I tell you something.. then you don't have to wonder .. is that true?  If you do wonder that.. it'll be your issue not mine.