Hopefully The Plan Will Come Together Soon.

My daughter is having an MRI done on her knee this Tuesday.. they don't think it's too serious, but they are being cautious.. I completely agree with that stance, especially since it's my daughter.. She is growing up quickly... she's already an inch taller than me.. and she's only 15. She is somewhat of a recluse.. I think part of that is because she is trapped out here like the rest of us... we don't live close to anyone or anything.. and maybe she is afraid of what is out there.... my spouse has made her live a reclusive existence... she is sort of like me in that respect.. I would love to see her in a less rural setting.. and making more friends.. I know she has a decent head on her shoulders.. I just hope she uses it when she does start getting out. I worry about them.. and probably always will...  well.. I won't say worry.. as much as I have concerns... but life is our best teacher... we have to go through certain hardships to learn and build experience.. otherwise it's just all words.

I've sat here most of the day.. thinking about what I wanted to say to finish this blog.. and honestly when I got an idea in my head, I just ended up making a post on one of the two sites I still frequent.. sure.. I'm flirty.. I banter a bit.. but I will never go beyond a certain point.. as I never have while I was with someone.. I even pushed a few people out of my life due to demands that were put on me and fear of losing the one I was with.. but to be honest, I should have stood for what I believed in.. even if it differed from the beliefs of my involvement... I won't say love.. because I truly don't know what happened.. and at this point.. it really doesn't matter.  I am happy where I am.. and I appreciate those people who accept me for who I am.. I sometimes wonder about some people though, because once they find out I'm with someone.. and that things are truly solid.. it's like they disappear... I don't get that.. I have friends.. I am not going to be enticed.. and she knows it.. that's why she is with me.. I know the same about her.. but it's not even worth rehashing.. I'm here when someone who chooses to be my friend.. decides that I am worthy of being in their life even as I am now..

Some might argue that I don't have time for them anymore.. and to be honest.. I have as much time now as I ever did.. for any positive influences in my life... I'm thankful to have someone with me that understands all of that.. in fact I rarely have to explain anything.. it's just that simple.. she knows.   I won't go out seeking people to be friends with, as I seemed to have to do that most of the time... and I will still make myself available to those few people on my yahoo list or anyone who is not going to tear me down.  I want to be a positive support to both the one I'm with... plus to all of my friends.. I will always be there for you if you need me.. I can't put it much more simple than that.  I'm still job searching.. and still waiting for any word on a few positions I've applied for.... but that's all I can do at this point.  There are many opportunities out there.. and I hope to take advantage of one of them.. I'm still trying to work out the divorce.. the cost is a big issue right now as I am working that out.. I was supposed to be receiving a $2500 bonus for my last evaluation... but I'm less and less sure that will ever happen as time moves forward... so  I'm still in limbo technically.. but I have a plan in place... I'm just working on getting the ball rolling.. and hopefully the plan will come together soon.

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