Under my Hat

It's strange that people usually don't take some of the things said at face value... I told everyone that I'm no longer doing the backup computer work.. in fact, I don't have that access anymore, as I had them remove it... but still.. they call me anyway... so I just pass the buck and tell them to call my supervisor... doesn't help though.. she's not there most of the time.  I'm not sure how people tend to get away with some of the things they do..  It's like few people actually have a conscientious outlook when performing their jobs.  Whatever happened to taking pride in your work.. I am certain I've touched on this in a previous blog.. but it's irritating to think there are so many people out there just coasting through their day... and what they do directly affects so many lives.. maybe not directly.. but still causing some effect anyway.  Even in manufacturing... someone lets something go through that isn't exactly up to par... well.. no...

So.. I've been doing all this extra work... and on Friday I got kicked in the teeth... I finally got my review.. and my supervisor gave me "meets expectations" on all three areas I was evaluated in.. First... is concerning my support in the center in it's overall mission... which is measured in numbers... well.. out of over 1600 trades at the 125 centers, my trade is ranked number 12.. boosting the center's numbers well beyond the scope.. so what more do they want out of me?... what else could I do besides that?  I have to be higher than the top 1%?  secondly.. they talk about effectively carrying out the duties of my trade.. I have done everything asked of me plus about 30 other things that I documented for them... on a regular basis.. I've taken on several other roles other than my own...  lastly... is teamwork and partnerships... I dare them to find one person on the whole center who I haven't done several things outside the scope of my work... plus I ...

So... my blog posts are a bit more infrequent... doesn't mean I'm going to quit blogging anytime soon.. it just means I must be dealing with my issues more responsibly... so I don't feel the need to work them out here... which is a good thing I suppose.. but sometimes I miss blogging. I did tonight.. that's why I'm here. I have so much happening in my life right now... it's a bit overwhelming... but I enjoy the change.  I did get another notice from the state IRS saying I owe 311.00 in taxes from 2011... and looking at it more closely, I think they're right... hopefully this will be the last time I get picked on... just another added expense that I hadn't counted on..  but it'll all be okay.  I think most of life's little setbacks are only just that.. setbacks... we should take them in stride.. and keep pushing forward with ourselves so that we can get to where we truly want to be. I think most people tend to lose themselves when they enter th...

Woke up this morning with a slightly sore throat... considering everyone in the house has had some sort of "crud" going around.. I figured it was only a matter of time until it got it's way to me.  Still... I'm hoping I have the stamina to withstand most of it.  I have been through quite a bit.. but I'm willing to go through whatever else I need to... in order to get where I want to go.  I am still putting forth as much effort as I always have in living the life I have now... but I want to work toward something new... I want to make certain I'm always pushing toward my goals. Most people will set out a goal.. and then fall short when it gets delayed... or seems unattainable... but I will never give up.  I know where I'm headed... and I also know that I choose not to get there at any costs... I prefer to minimize the costs...  My spouse and I talked yesterday about the lawyer she hired... luckily it was only a $75 consultation....  she told me the lawyer w...

So... my boss is wanting me to work on my program... to get the things I need... but at the same time... she wants to cut our funding for Network+ certification. I don't know where things are headed, but I don't like sending people out not getting the necessary training for the computer jobs that I'm supposed to be finding them. It just seems like more and more things are getting screwed up where I work... and I really don't want to be involved in it if it's going to change that much.  I'm looking more diligently to get transferred to another area. I think about the future a lot now.. how things will change... but I don't want to be so wrapped up in looking to the future.. that I forget about where I am now... I seem to keep hoping things change.. but then I become lazy sometimes... hoping that things will just change themselves.. I see that.. I think most people are like that to a certain extent... maybe not exactly "lazy"... just not motivated t...

I am slightly bothered by my spouse going to a lawyer... but I understand why she did it. I mean.. she doesn't know if I'm going to try to take the kids... even though it should be apparent that I don't want to put my daughters in any environment that they would prefer not to be in.  I understand that their bond is with their mom... and I would never take that away from them... Did she think I wasn't telling the truth about how much she would receive from me?... Well..the lawyer only reinforced what I said... I was not planning on balking about anything... I will support my daughters to the best of my ability.. I think I'm becoming a bit paranoid about trusting her though... I have set my laptop screen saver to 2 minutes.. instead of the 15 minutes I had... because she had been looking through it when I left it for a bit. What purpose does it all serve?  I am not even certain she doesn't have someone reading this blog.. but I really don't care... I try not ...

It finally looks like another step is happening... my spouse confronted me with my online habits... she knows.. she has known quite awhile.. she's heard me through the walls.. but it's okay.. she still thinks it one particular person from a long time ago... but I told her that is over.. I didn't say when.. or how long it was.. no reason to throw things out that may or may not hurt her... I did tell her that I was a member of a flirting site since 2009... Dec.   The funny thing is some people in her family are telling her that I was married "online" in May 22, 2009.. I think that was just the day I noted on facebook that I was married.. but I'm not sure how to change or fix it... can't seem to delete things from your timeline.. so her relatives..at least the ones that can see my facebook page are trying to tell her I had some sort of online marriage then... which couldn't be farther from the truth.. and I told her so.  She has visited a lawyer... but t...

Sometimes I wonder about a lot of things... but occasionally things just happen.. things that I have no control over... and I just am thankful they do happen.  I have begun a journey that I have never been on before... one where I can see a probable future.. and there are no issues with it. I've always thought I'd know for sure when I met the right person... and at times I thought maybe I had... but I'm glad I've always said things happen for a reason... I don't mean to disrespect anyone I've ever been involved with, but I guess that it's good that things happened the way they did. I wouldn't have thought so at the time... but my life has nothing but positive energy flowing through it now.  I don't have to be anything different than who I am.. and I'm accepted for that. I've had many wonderful deep conversations and have learned that I don't have to be worried or concerned about anything anymore. Yes.. I've fallen off the deep end.. ...