It's Only A Matter Of Time Now.

Woke up this morning with a slightly sore throat... considering everyone in the house has had some sort of "crud" going around.. I figured it was only a matter of time until it got it's way to me.  Still... I'm hoping I have the stamina to withstand most of it.  I have been through quite a bit.. but I'm willing to go through whatever else I need to... in order to get where I want to go.  I am still putting forth as much effort as I always have in living the life I have now... but I want to work toward something new... I want to make certain I'm always pushing toward my goals. Most people will set out a goal.. and then fall short when it gets delayed... or seems unattainable... but I will never give up.  I know where I'm headed... and I also know that I choose not to get there at any costs... I prefer to minimize the costs...  My spouse and I talked yesterday about the lawyer she hired... luckily it was only a $75 consultation....  she told me the lawyer was going to charge $900 and seemed like the type that was going to pin my ass against the wall.. she's not going back there.. we are going to try to keep it civil.. at least my spouse has that outlook.. the same as I do... I will not fight and take the chance of damaging my daughters.. and I think my spouse understands that.  I wasn't going to find a lawyer... I was just going to let whatever happened...happen. Not that I didn't care... I strongly care for my daughters... but I also think I know my spouse well enough to know that she will not be hateful and mean.  If I even thought she was that type of person... I wouldn't have married her in the first place.  Still.. we all see to undergo some changes as our lives play out.. personally I still think my beliefs are the same... or at least similar than they've always been.. but I won't lose myself.  I have buried my ideology under layers and layers of complacency of just existing...

I know that life can be a struggle... most anything worth having is.  It seems as though most people tend to forget that... We are all spoiled to the idea of having things handed to us.. and if they're not.. we feel that they're out of reach.  That is the wrong attitude to have...  Sure things get difficult at times.. and when we are cut a break.. we want to celebrate... and relax.. but that isn't the time to relax... when things go our way, we need to take advantage of the opening... and work even harder to make sure we don't lose ground. That we don't become complacent with the small victory... I have done that... If I had my eyes open in the past, I would be in a position now to do whatever I needed to do... but instead, I squandered my resources.. and gave up struggling just for a bit.. That doesn't count me out... I still have my goal that I am working toward.. and I WILL get there... it's just evaluating the path I need to take that lies before me now..  I have hope.. I have someone who supports me in getting where I want to be... and that makes a world of difference.  I have someone  I can count on not to just add a burden to me.. I think that's what I've been afraid of all along... that I will have to worry about anything I have weighing me down... and then pick up someone else's burdens as well as shoulder all of my own.  Well.. I'm not concerned now... because I've found someone I know will share my burdens.. as well as share hers as well.. and that's what it is about... a partnership.. I know I've made some stupid decisions in the past.. and right now.. I'm just trying to minimize the load I bring to any relationship... I am thankful for where I am.. and all the decisions I've made to get me here.. I will need to keep smart in my decisions in order to keep on track.... and to get where I want to be... It's only a matter of time now.