Things Are About To Change.

It's been somewhat a long and boring weekend.  I keep my eyes on the prize and waiting for the world to change.. but it's worth the wait. I guess at times I still get a little worried... but that's my nature. I can't believe I have things as good as what I do... yes.. I do have my own share of problems.. as does everyone else... and I am certain that many people tend to let those issues creep into their lives and take up residence. I know I will make a change.. as sure as I know my own name... part of my wonders how long it will take... and yes, that does concern me a bit.  I would love to see a resolution come about in both lives at the same time... but I'm certain that's not going to happen.  I will get through what is ahead of me.. and I will do it because it's what I need to do for me.. not for anyone else.... just as I would never want anyone else to do something.. or make a life changing decision... based solely on me... That would make me feel guilty. People need to make choices in their lives to suit themselves... sure you can take another person into account, but the decision has to be based  on what is best for you.  I know I'm a somewhat needy person... moreso than I will admit at times.  I want to be cared for... to be cared about... and I haven't felt that way in my house for a long time.  My daughters do care... but not in the way I'm talking about... they just don't want to see me hurt.. but unfortunately they have seen me hurting... and they know it. I can't do much about that.. I try to hide the hurt.. and concentrate on the love for them that I feel, but I am still alone here. I feel it each night that I slip into my bed... the only comfort I have is knowing there is someone out there that will eventually be beside me... next to me not only sleeping.. but in everyday life.  I have some support from my spouse.. but she is more destructive than she realizes... each time she treats me as an outsider in my own family... I am positive she doesn't do it on purpose... but it happens anyway... I think she is trying to protect my daughters when I finally move out. I'm well past the point I intended on being at when I left... but life keeps throwing me curves... the last being the accident and vehicle situation... I'm just now getting that straightened out.. and still haven't been fully reimbursed for my rental. I will need to call them tomorrow and see what progress is being made.  I have a feeling they're going to try to welch on their deal.. but I have it in an email.

I am hoping this week calms down a bit.. but I might be able to get some overtime in.. and maybe a bit of money to save for the divorce. I am going to do what I can.. and get things set up... I'm hoping soon.. things are about to change.