I Have To Put Myself First.

The day my spouse and I meet with the attorney grows nearer and nearer... and I'd be lying if I didn't say that at times... I'm scared shitless. My spouse is going to go ahead and go through with the divorce... NOW.. even if I figure out I can't afford it yet. I know that my daughters will get about 850/mo.  ...but what I'm concerned about is how much they will give my spouse to live in alimony... if they give her much more than 400, I might be screwed... I'm not certain I can live on $1000 a month. I seem to be a bit more and more worried.. but I have no reason to be... not yet anyway.. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to have much support in my life very soon... so, yes.. it's a bit unnerving. I sometimes wonder about how the future is going to unfold... maybe I'm expecting too much change all at once... in my life anyway.  I guess I'll either move forward... or fall flat on my face.  The problem is that falling flat, may mean difficult times for my daughters. My spouse is going to move out... right after we get divorced... My spouse and I have talked about the whole process... I won't cause issues with my girls... well... not too many.  I know there might be some emotional things to work through at first... but if I don't get them started healing now, there might be a longer process to work it all out. Things will definitely be changing... and I've waited so long for them to change... but there are other aspects of my life that might be upturned also... I'm pretty sure I will be transferring soon... but I will know more hopefully in a week or two... I think that stress is starting to set in all around... usually I can deal with change... I even enjoy seeing it coming... but too much change at once... I don't know what that might do to me.
 I'm hoping to continue weight training soon... I've had one session of it so far... and got very sore... I'm training with one of my coworkers... he is just a few years older than I am... but he played for the Dallas Cowboys for about 3 - 4 years.. and he says he know how we should train... so we can tone up... and lose a little weight.... I'm not too badly overweight... just a little extra... but I'd love to be able to build my stamina up a bit more... I think this will help that tremendously. Especially since I will have a little support in that area too.  I sometimes think that I am really the only person I can count on... at least for now... but that's okay.  I am happy to be moving along with my life.  I get so downhearted when I feel helpless to move forward... but then again... perhaps I'm just a bit too impatient. There are no assurances from anywhere in my life moving forward.. but I don't need any. I am making decisions taking into account those that matter... but then I have to put myself first.