It's MY Journey... And I'm Taking My Time.

I had a bit of a difficult time last night falling asleep.  I know that I would be feeling a bit of sadness at not being around my daughters... but the weight of it all hit me at once last night. I cried myself to sleep.  I keep telling myself that it will be okay... and I really am sure it will be, but I know it will be difficult for them... and I feel badly about myself for putting them through this.  It's a dilemma that I knew I would face... but I figured I had already quelled those demons and put them behind me. I'm sure it will cause a tear in our relationship... I just don't want it to totally rip it apart. I will always be their father and will do my best to be here for them when they need me.

I did get some good news... the government is covering pretty much the cost of the move... and more.. plus giving me admin leave to take care of things... it's somewhat ludicrous at the efficiency I've run into so far... maybe I shouldn't even say anything ...as it might screw up the smoothly moving process.  ...so we'll let that die down... until things have already happened.

There is a personal issue I've been dealing with.. I don't want to cause any hardships for anyone.. and by my moving, I'm concerned that I might be doing just that... not only with my immediate family, but with other people in my life that I care about greatly. I know how things are... and I am looking only at this time to keep everything as close to the way it is.. as I can... I want to be on familiar ground as much as possible for as long as possible.  This means I am not seeking to change anything more than it has been changed.  Unfortunately, I don't know if I am inadvertently changing the lives of others as a result of moving forward with my own life.  I need, more than anything, to try to work on who and where I am before I can make any other positive changes... This is my prime directive for the next few years... I want to solidify my work environment, support my children, and find a comfortable direction to point myself.  I've made many mistakes in the past by trying to overthink things... trying to make things happen... and that's not what I want to do now... I love the possibilities for the future, but I have several years to get to where I want to be... It's MY journey... and I'm taking my time.  

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