I Need To Learn To Duck

Have you ever noticed when bad things happen, sometimes you feel like the whole world is going in slow motion... just so you can agonize just a bit longer... actually awhile longer.   I think that it's difficult living in limbo knowing the outcome of a situation... but not being able to do anything about it.  I'm okay that a relationship of over a year is ending... but at this point, I'm just hoping it ends soon.  I am not going to antagonize anyone... I just want her to settle things in her world before I let her know that I can no longer be a part of it... or maybe she's like so many others... and doesn't intend on it going on anyway.  I can't figure out much... I won't say it doesn't affect me... It does. I am only trying to focus on what is best for me at the moment. That's what I keep saying I'm going to do... to do what's best for me... but then I find someone that I feel might be significant in my life... and I start putting them first... and put myself on hold... I should be angry... at her.... at myself.. and I suppose I am just a bit.  I have kept my composure thus far... it's just difficult to focus on a future at this time... I keep thinking that I am going to have something good happen... maybe this is good.  I do like to think all things happen for a purpose... It could be that I was just more invested emotionally... I tend to be the one to do that... it's because that's who I am... no matter how much I try to be another way. It really is best for me to stay completely out of relationships. ...I haven't really looked for one.. it found me... when something like that comes along... I need to learn to duck.

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