Tired Of Beating My Head Against The Wall.

I should be used to it by now... the rejection... the walking away... but I'm not quite there yet... the person I've been seeing... says she needs space to figure things out... where have I heard that one before... but I'm not nearly as hurt as before... I think that part of me knows that people are going to leave.. and I have guarded myself. Yes... it sucks... and not in the good way.  I haven't seen much of my "friend" this year anyway... and anything physical is a faded memory. I hadn't seen her for a bit, so this last weekend I worked overtime on Saturday... she worked a half a day herself.. I thought it would be a nice surprise to show up... and just offer a hug... and then let her be...  I drove to her city and dropped by ...unannounced.. thinking it would be a nice surprise... she said it was sweet of me to do that... but something seemed off... she was tired, so I put it to the back of my mind... and let her get back to sleep... it was about 6 pm... She didn't text me back until Monday where she reiterated it was a sweet gesture, but not to do that again without giving her warning because it felt invasive.  Now... I might be wrong, but we have been seeing each other for over a year now exclusively.   I feel that if my gesture was "invasive" ...then we might not be nearly on the same page. No one was there and I don't understand why it was wrong... but I apologized and told her it wouldn't happen again...   Later I informed her that I was glad she was able to speak up and that communication was key to helping a relationship to flourish.  She responded that she didn't feel like letting anything flourish currently and that she needed time to sort things out and that she didn't want to get together for awhile.   Okay... so I'm sorta airing dirty laundry... but I have been down this road before and the road gets very rocky after this... I know from experience... My realization is that even if we get through this... it's a very high indication that the relationship would be a roller coaster of emotion... and I'm too old to be on that kind of ride.  I told her to take her time and that I would be around if she needed me... because that's what friends do... but I'm not going to be an ass like I have in the past.  I consider her a friend... and I'm certain at this point that's all it's going to be. I know better than to put much of myself into any relationship because the world is full of people who don't have a clue what they want. ...and I'm tired of beating my head against the wall.

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