That's Just The Way The World Works
It's official.. I'm not dating. I have become somewhat of a pro at getting dumped. I suppose I bring some of it on myself... I'm still not exactly sure how... this time I was adamant about trying to keep the communication open... I guess I'm just unapproachable for some reason..
I think we all have some things we tend to internalize... I know I do... and they come out here in my blog... but even still, I am much more communicative than I used to be in a relationship. I do feel that a relationship is doomed if we internalize too much. There are parts of us that we hide from everyone.. even those closest to us... and that's okay. But if we are involved with someone we have to let them know they are a part of our world... and we have to share things... mutually back and forth. We are stuck with our relatives... we don't get to choose those, but we make friends and relationships ...and we invite those people into our world... some to a greater degree than others. I am beginning to think it is dangerous to invite someone completely into your world... because most of the time, two people aren't exactly on the same page with that. One will open up.. and the other keeps a large part of who they are...and what they're feeling... deeply hidden. I've come to the realization that there is no way to know if you really are a part of someone's world... or maybe I've just never met anyone who has trusted me enough to make me see the difference... that is a definite possibility. Life goes on... and on... and on.. and the earth keeps spinning. We aren't all that special to anyone but ourselves... sure.. we impact others' lives... sometimes in a meaningful way... but when it comes down to it... we have to watch out for us... I have learned this the hard way. A few years ago, I thought much differently... that it was about being there for others... and making that positive impact more for those we cared more deeply. I am back into a callous mode of thinking now. I understand that most people my age... or even over 40... have learned to take care of themselves and put up that impenetrable emotional wall.. I don't have the fortitude to try to climb any more walls... but at the same time... there's a kind of peace now when I'm left alone. ...like a reinforcement to my belief of self-sustainment. A person can only count on his/herself... for the most important parts of life. Whether there is a fallacy in my thinking... or if I'm unclearly seeing the way things are.. those are definite possibilities... but I keep getting more reinforcement. Whether we like it or not.. that's just the way the world works.
I think we all have some things we tend to internalize... I know I do... and they come out here in my blog... but even still, I am much more communicative than I used to be in a relationship. I do feel that a relationship is doomed if we internalize too much. There are parts of us that we hide from everyone.. even those closest to us... and that's okay. But if we are involved with someone we have to let them know they are a part of our world... and we have to share things... mutually back and forth. We are stuck with our relatives... we don't get to choose those, but we make friends and relationships ...and we invite those people into our world... some to a greater degree than others. I am beginning to think it is dangerous to invite someone completely into your world... because most of the time, two people aren't exactly on the same page with that. One will open up.. and the other keeps a large part of who they are...and what they're feeling... deeply hidden. I've come to the realization that there is no way to know if you really are a part of someone's world... or maybe I've just never met anyone who has trusted me enough to make me see the difference... that is a definite possibility. Life goes on... and on... and on.. and the earth keeps spinning. We aren't all that special to anyone but ourselves... sure.. we impact others' lives... sometimes in a meaningful way... but when it comes down to it... we have to watch out for us... I have learned this the hard way. A few years ago, I thought much differently... that it was about being there for others... and making that positive impact more for those we cared more deeply. I am back into a callous mode of thinking now. I understand that most people my age... or even over 40... have learned to take care of themselves and put up that impenetrable emotional wall.. I don't have the fortitude to try to climb any more walls... but at the same time... there's a kind of peace now when I'm left alone. ...like a reinforcement to my belief of self-sustainment. A person can only count on his/herself... for the most important parts of life. Whether there is a fallacy in my thinking... or if I'm unclearly seeing the way things are.. those are definite possibilities... but I keep getting more reinforcement. Whether we like it or not.. that's just the way the world works.
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