Under my Hat

I tend to get quiet on the weekends most of the time... I try to keep busy when I have a whole day alone, but it doesn't always work out that way. I do have friends that call, but most of the time I end up being a sounding board for them. I'm okay with that. It gives me a chance to feel like I'm doing something for someone else, and I learn more about how other people have much more issues that I do. I am somewhat lucky in the way things go in my life. I don't have to worry about much of anything. I remember times in my life where I thought that just because I didn't have a close relationship with someone, that nothing substantial existed in my life. I have my kids, my health... and so much more. I really don't have to worry about anything other than what I choose to overreact to. I think that's the way it is with most people. Lots of people in this world don't have the ability to see the big picture. I also believe that most tend to overdramatize their ...

I spent 18 hours yesterday playing World of Warcraft... don't judge me. ...or do.. I am okay with that too... I am on a vacation this week. That means I get to do whatever I want... within reason of course. I was planning on being more productive, but it's not the end of the world if I'm not. It was the release of the new Shadowlands expansion. Seems pretty fun now... especially on my first character. We'll see how detailed it gets later. I do miss playing with other people. I guess I'm just not the social player anymore. I know a couple of people who have expressed interest in getting started playing, but nothing more than a passing interest. I suppose I'll just continue in the manner I have. I popped on the site a couple of times... I like the interaction there, even though there's really not a whole lot of people now. It's a chance for me to be spontaneous. I throw out whatever happens to go through my mind on the subject matter. Most of the time I ...

Officially, my first day off is tomorrow... and I am torn between being lazy and doing nothing but playing WoW... or actually trying to get things done. I won't know until it happens. I don't do a whole lot of planning on any level these days. I enjoy taking each day as it comes... and dealing with it as I feel in the moment. Doesn't mean I don't care... it just means that I refuse to let life make me worry about the day to day stuff that really doesn't matter. My housemate is having severe issues with her back. I feel very badly for her, but there's not a whole lot I can do. I hope that her issues are something someone can fix. Her son spends some time here... and I find he is a good kid, but has the anxiousness of a 17 year old... since that's what he is. I remember back when I was 17... and I thought the whole world was ahead of me... that as I grew older I was going to tame my world and have complete control over everything... HAHAHAHAHAHA! As I'v...

I'm supposed to be teleworking... but my mind is so overloaded with all the stuff I have to accomplish, I'm taking a break from thinking about any of it... at least for a short bit... I have a webinar I have to attend from 3 - 5 today... about the IT video surveillance on center. It really shouldn't fall to me, but I've had to end up doing so much outside my position description that I really don't think about it anymore... at least for the most part. I tend to do as much as I can and try to make myself indespenible. I guess it sorta paid off because I just got a nice bonus at work. Money isn't really an issue right now. I have made 3x the amount this year than I've made any other year... actually I will almost reach my salary cap... meaning if I work anymore... it'll be for free. Luckily I won't hit that... but it's something I'll have to keep in mind for next year. When I put it down like that, it sorta seems like I'm bragging... but I ...

Lots of stuff happening at work... and I've got to try to squeeze it in ... in 4 days... I go on a 10 day vacation starting Friday... not going anywhere... just need to get some time taken. I figure I can spend some time just doing nothing in particular... I'm also thinking I can get a few odd jobs around the house done. I need to fix a kitchen drain... I also need to cut a tree that's trying to grow through my front porch... it's not big, but it keeps coming back after I cut it... and it spreads wider... I've even tried rubbing salt on the small stumps, but nothing seems to get rid of it. It's like some people... very intrusive and doesn't know when to go away. I guess I'm like that at times, but I try not to assume anything. If people want me away, they need to say something... and maybe I'll listen.. maybe I won't.. I am the type of person that will distance myself from anyone who chooses not to be a part of my life. It's strange though.....

 I had a pedicure yesterday, and it was awesome.... I wonder why it is that every nails place I've ever been to seems to be run by Southeast Asians... I'm not trying to stereotype, but it just seems to be an enormous trend.  I also spent much of the day trying to get back into World of Warcraft... I'm not sure that's my best move, as I remember getting somewhat addicted to it in the past... but I think I have a level head on my shoulders about it and it won't end up dictating my life. They have "nerfed" the levels and squished them down to level 50... until the new expansion.... I sound like such a nerd... but so what... I find that I enjoy that... and if it makes me a nerd.. so be it.  I have a lot of stuff happening at work... and not a whole lot of time to do it.. it's getting closer and closer to the holiday season... and I am taking the whole week of Thanksgiving off... the last 2 weeks of December... and most Fridays between now and then.. except...

I sorta wonder if maybe I try to keep some things from myself by not talking about them. I mean... there are several areas in my life that I choose to keep quiet about... and after giving it a bit of thought... I'm thinking that I just want to hang on to a few private issues that maybe I don't want to share. That's a bit unlike me though, because I've always thought of myself as an open book when it comes to what's in my head... maybe it's because I know certain people read my blog and I don't want them to know... whatever it is... I'm not sure I like the secrecy in my own mind. I'm sure I'll be more than willing to talk about things as time moves on and they don't weigh on me. I have several things in my life that I think about... intimacy, family life, my job, friends, my future... etc. "etc." is a powerful word... it can incorporate a large number of vague things, thoughts or ideas. I know I'm picking apart my brain when...

 It's been a short weekend.. not much happening in my world... but I've spent some time with retail therapy. I think I will probably end up spending more time playing World of Warcraft today... I need to start getting adjusted to the new game content. I can appreciate having some time to myself.  It seems like I have lots of friends that want to take up time in my life... which is entirely okay... but I don't want to lose the "me" time I have. I am always a little concerned with that. I enjoy interaction with others... but I like time to self-reflect. I know some people don't understand that... but that's not up to them to agree. I still maintain control over my life. I don't ever intend on giving that up. I decided to go out shopping yesterday. Maybe I have a bit of a problem with spending money... but I have a bit saved up. I'm hoping to give a few people a good Christmas this time... I was also told recently that I'm difficult to buy for...b...

 I can sit here... and I write... and the things I write may or may not have influence upon other people. It really doesn't matter. I don't blog for others... I blog just so that I can get out those things in my head that I might not be able to express elsewhere.... well... without stirring up a major argument, anyway. The nice thing about my blogging is that people have a choice about reading it... and if they agree or disagree... it doesn't really matter. That's what I try to base my attitude and actions on... I am the one who stands responsible for what I say and do... just as others have to account for their actions.... and for the most part... that should have little to no effect on me. We all have attitudes, opinions... and yes.. even judgements... even though we have no right to violate the rights of others, there is no way we can go without forming those opinions and judgements... not only concerning other people, but also about everything we come in contact wit...

 So... the election was yesterday... and it's still going on... and I have a feeling it'll go on for awhile... even if it's decided... because most people can't accept reality... Do I think that mail in voting allows a better opportunity for cheating?? ...sure... but that's a part of life... you have to accept that most things are not completely on the level because people cannot bear the thought of losing. My issue is that when you cheat... or lie... you've lost... it might not be something that you cannot live with, but over time, people tend to lose more and more of themselves because they can't face truths. I know many people who lie to themselves so much that they really aren't in touch with the truth. It's actually a sad thing. There is a major difference when you say something sarcastically... or say something in fun.. knowing it's not true... and those things are usually agreed upon by everyone as being something funny.  Unfortunately som...

 I have learned that the dynamics of life change from day to day... and there are definitely no absolutes... I don't even remember most of what I write here... but it applies to how my life is going at the time... and it involves the way I feel about things at the time.  For the most part, I tend to change very little from day to day in my overall attitude, but becoming a better person isn't generally about drastic change all of a sudden.. It's more about a slow, solid change over a long span of time.  I do feel I have that down pretty good... I'm not trying to become someone different... I'm just trying to be a little bit better of a person today than I was the day before.  Sometimes events happen and I find myself backsliding into patterns I thought I left behind, but I tend to shake myself of those habits before they bear a strong influence in my life and who I am. I witness so many people who are not able to move forward with their lives because they evidently f...

 It's been a few weeks... and I've been out on another fire assignment ...for 21 more days... plus 2 travel days... it's good money... and other than my mortgage, I'm pretty much debt free now. That makes me pretty happy. I am also enjoying my job... I'm fully qualified now on ITSS, so I can take students out next fire season and get them qualified. Officially, I have to wait until they process my paperwork.. but it's a done deal. I'm staying super busy trying to catch up at work now... and there's so much to do.  I am still teleworking 2 days a week... and I am taking most Fridays off to get all my annual leave in.. I'm also taking the week of Thanksgiving... and the last 2 weeks of December off.. it should get it all burned so I can carry over my maximum of 240 hours.  I like to keep that bank in case something should happen. I'm hoping they hire someone full time for at least one of my other 3 positions... maybe even all 3.. but we'll have...