I Prefer Climbing Toward Something Better

 I have learned that the dynamics of life change from day to day... and there are definitely no absolutes... I don't even remember most of what I write here... but it applies to how my life is going at the time... and it involves the way I feel about things at the time.  For the most part, I tend to change very little from day to day in my overall attitude, but becoming a better person isn't generally about drastic change all of a sudden.. It's more about a slow, solid change over a long span of time.  I do feel I have that down pretty good... I'm not trying to become someone different... I'm just trying to be a little bit better of a person today than I was the day before.  Sometimes events happen and I find myself backsliding into patterns I thought I left behind, but I tend to shake myself of those habits before they bear a strong influence in my life and who I am. I witness so many people who are not able to move forward with their lives because they evidently feel stuck in an endless cycle... doomed to make the same mistakes over and over... or perhaps afraid they'll make the same mistakes and go to great lengths to put up their walls and try to hide from life in general.  I've learned that definitely doesn't work.  It takes an active effort in order to change your life for the better... sometimes I get discouraged when things don't happen in the timespan I want.. but I've never been truly beaten until I give up and hide from the world... Even after being beaten, a person can pick themselves up... dust themselves off.. and get back to work on their life... or... they can remain down... wallowing in self-pity with low self esteem. I hope I never get back to that point again... for if of all the lessons I've learned over the years, that the one that sticks with me most is my ability to keep trying... not for anyone else... but for myself.  I have always, deep down, though much more of myself than that... much more than to give up hope that I will continue to improve... and it's because of that that I'm in such a good place now. I really can't see much that could possibly occur that would change that outlook. I don't need to base my self-worth on others... I enjoy what time I interact, but I know that I can count on myself.  I have always said that I need to stay honest with myself... and that actually seems to work more than anything else.... when you start lying to yourself.. you're digging a far greater hole than you might imagine.  I don't like being in a rut... or in a hole... I prefer to continue climbing toward something better.