Ok... so.. a few things have happened in my life recently... and now I think I'm trying to passively kill myself... I would never take an active role in that.  I am now getting up at 5 am each morning, getting to work by my 7:30 shift... volunteering for duties from 4pm - 10pm... and getting home about 10:30.  We'll see how long I can keep this up.  It's good money... for when I move out... plus it keeps me from thinking about things if I can keep myself busy.... and it's much more constructive than "vegging out" in front of the computer where I just waste my life and wait for ...nothing now.  I don't know what the future holds.. and at this point, I suppose it really doesn't matter.   I have no control over it anyway.  The only thing I can control is me.... and I'm doing that. I'm going to make certain that I have the means to do what I need to do.. as quickly as I can.  Hopefully the future won't seem as bleak to me as it does right now.  So... if there are a few of you that are missing me being online, I'm sorry... but I can't sit and wait ...and watch my life slowly pass me by. ... this way I don't really notice it passing.. and hopefully one day I can just wake up.. I'll be old.. and it'll almost be over.

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