All or nothing

I've decided that I am no longer expanding my horizons online... I have no reason to frequent sites searching for friends... because I will be happy with the friends I have currently. I trust them.. I don't need anything more than what I have.  I will just wait for it to return to me.... as long as it takes.  My friends will never do anything to support me in that.. they know that if they don't support me in a positive manner.. then I can no longer call them my friends. I have a "friend zone" ...once you're in that zone.. you are locked in there.  If you try to get out.. and make it more than friends... then I can't associate with you anymore. My respect for the one I truly love won't let me.  I care deeply for someone who isn't my spouse... I think she has difficulty remembering what we have.. but I don't... If you love someone.. it won't turn to jealousy.. or anger.. or even hate... I can never do anything.. but love her.. no matter what the outcome of our relationship. I know who she is.. even better than she knows herself sometimes.  I accept who she is...  Now ...she just has to figure out if she really knows who I am.. and if she accepts that. All I will do is support her in this...no matter what. I am now ready to wait it out.. however long it takes.  I have decided to limit my online activity to a bit of facebook (I could never imagine facebook as anything more than casual)  ...and World of Warcraft.. which is just gaming.  It's something that will keep my mind occupied and distract me from my crappy life. ...and if  a month.. or 6 months.. or a year.. or 6 years from now... My true love finally figures out I'm not like anyone else.. I'll be waiting... that's all I can do.. is wait.  I don't know anything else.  I had some relationships before.. and nothing positive came from them.. and I know that is all that would be waiting for me.. I won't subject myself to that again. I am smarter than that now. I know what it is I want... it's just a matter of whether or not  it will be what I get.  I'm ready to take the chance.. it's either her.. or nothing.. because I won't settle for what I know in my heart will never measure up to what I can have.

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