It Just Gives Strength To Me Now.

October is going to be a wonderful month.. I just know it.  I'm actually positive.. did you ever think you'd see  that again?  It's actually an amazing feeling... and  I'd forgotten how good it felt..actually.. there are some new feelings.. they're wonderful.. but completely indescribable. There are some people in this world that believe in soulmates... and to be honest, for me.. the verdict was still out.. but when you find someone who can finish your sentences... that shares the same brain in.. not only one or two.. or even a dozen things.. but in EVERYTHING... it's difficult not to believe.. Scary thought huh.. that someone can have my thoughts.. my attitudes ..trapped in another body.. It's freakily uncanny at times.. I wonder if things can be "too perfect" ...I have already let myself do something I said I never would again.. fall.. well.. climb down from my tower.. I won't even say she came up.. it was entirely me. She never pursued me.. and I had no intentions of pursing her.. it just.. happened. I'm glad that it did, honestly.. and she is the most unique individual I've ever met... I think I just never noticed her as more than a friend... because my mind was always occupied with someone else when we were able to chat.. and as anyone who knows me... knows I won't be swayed by someone else when I am truly with a person.. That's one thing that is not even a concern in the slightest for either of us.. that someone else will come along and "distract" us.. and we've already discussed most everything we consider important in our lives..

My daughter had her MRI.. she has a benign tumor in her leg.. they're going to treat it with medicine and see if they can eradicate it.. if not, we will discuss other options. I'm not worried about it though.. not because I don't care.. but because I trust that things will be okay.  My daughter seems not to be too worried either.. in fact, she has been smiling quite a bit more lately.. I think now that the tension is gone between my spouse and I, my daughters can sense that. They have learned to accept that I am going to be moving.. and I'm still working on my plan.. I'm just working on the money for a divorce at the moment.. didn't realize how expensive it was to get one... but I need the job first.. if I still have a job.

October 1.. and the government is shutting down.. at least most of it is... I'm not sure how that affects me.. as our program is supposedly pre-funded.. but I don't trust what I'm told by my supervisors.. the environment where I work is one of negativity... and for me and my new-found positive attitude, I need to find a better avenue to nurture these positive feelings.. Right now.. I'm prepared for pretty much anything.. so I look forward to see what happens next.  I am just thankful for all the support.. and yes.. even for the negative outlooks and comments.. because it just gives strength to me now.. 

Comments

  1. RTOctober 2, 2013 at 4:02 PM

    It's so good to see you positive...and I'm so very happy for you! :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Not In My Lifetime.

It's 1:15 am.. I just got back from my niece's wedding.. and it was.. different .. not what I was used to.. but nice all the same..  I only have this to say about the reception... WTF!!! l guess I should give a bit of background information... my spouse wandered off doing her own thing.. as I prefer it that way... so when I happen to come into close proximity of her by accident.. she motions me over.. and has been talking to the head of the catering company... they have been talking for awhile.. and in a short period of time.. they have been getting to know each other a bit..   as I approach.. this woman.. who's name is the same as my spouse.. is saying.. "I just seem to know him.. he looks like John.. somebody"  My spouse then starts with a sales pitch of how great of a guy I am.. and what I do teaching computers.. and this woman starts striking up a conversation with me in front of my spouse.. she even talks about how handsome I am...   she mentions that she i...
Read more

Something I Have Learned Well.

It's odd how we interact with others on so many levels... one would assume by my wide range of references that I have a large assortment of friends.. In all actuality, the people in my circle of friends could be counted on my hands.. and close friends... well..  easily on one hand. I'm not what I would consider a social butterfly... but to be honest.. I sometimes like crowds.. I enjoy having groups of people around me.. I don't stick out like a sore thumb.. and sometimes getting lost in the rest of the world... isn't such a bad thing. How often do you go and "people watch" ....and then think about those people once you're gone... not very often, I'm guessing.. not unless one did something completely out of the ordinary.  I just like having the feeling that I'm normal.. an ordinary person... I just sat here in this chair for most of the weekend.. not really accomplishing anything.. nothing constructive by any means... I feel as though maybe I'm...
Read more

Stay Out Of Things Where I Don't Belong.

I am starting to get used to the hours... I think... who knows.. one day I feel like I was drug out of my bed kicking and screaming... other days I feel like I've been poured full of coffee and energy drinks... I've cut down on my morning coffee by the way... Oh... I didn't blog about that... after first moving here, I started drinking flavored coffee in the mornings... but I've decided I don't want to get dependent on that.... I still have the occasional coffee... but as I've said before... too much of anything is a bad idea... so I cut back.  I also decided to give up something for Lent... I might have blogged about it... but I tried to think of something that would be a sacrifice.. so I gave up masturbation.  I know that's not really in the spirit of Lent... as far as giving up something like that... but hey... I can't think of many other things I enjoy more... especially with my sex life as it is... I sorta don't have the inspiration at this poi...
Read more