There's Always Next Year

I'm infected... well.. my toe is/was... I went to my doc yesterday because my big toe was swollen and infected... the doc didn't have time for a procedure so he couldn't see me... I know that I shouldn't be irritated... but I am... I shouldn't expect someone to squeeze time in for me... but I do... I always wanted a doctor that could relate with me on a slightly personal level instead of me being another number for him/her.  I went to the Urgent care... and was seen by a wonderful doctor... I almost asked if she had a private practice somewhere... she was very friendly and even made a few jokes... to lighten the mood I suppose.... but I guess I'll give my doc one more chance... I don't see him but once a year now... unless I need him... well.. in a non-emergency way I suppose... because I don't believe he will be able to see me in an emergency situation.
I'm starting my house hunting... I've decided to contact a realtor that has been emailing me with leads just based on a questionnaire from a website... it wasn't even a formal request.  I like the idea of someone placing a bit of importance on my decisions... but I think we all do that. I want to be acknowledged for having some significance... I don't think I need too much attention... but when someone is a part of my life... professional or personal... I feel I should put myself first... I've spent too many years being subjected to second place... or even lower.... in my own life. I feel a bit like Trump says about America... we should put ourselves first.... not that we shouldn't put others as important in our lives... but that shouldn't be our status quo... of taking care of everyone else at the expense of ourselves.  ...On occasion, I think maybe we could step back and give more importance to other issues or people besides ourselves.. but if we live our lives like that, we risk losing a significant part of ourselves.  I don't want to be an asshat about it... but I am getting tired of being pushed aside or left behind because I can't be the picture-perfect person that someone else expects me to be.  I have a high tolerance for others.... and even try to put those people who are important to me... in a special place in my life... but after years of being shit on... My tolerance is waning... and I am becoming more and more aggravated at being used. 
...yeah... my new years resolution of being more optimistic has just been blown to bits... I haven't run into many supportive situations to help me to keep it... so where this year is a bust... there's always next year.

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